iTaly
by schillingklaus
Summary: Carly leaves Seattle in order tolive with her father in Florence. Shocking discoveries include a new step mother and some family secrets and intrigues.


**iTaly**

* * *

**Klaus Schilling**

* * *

**Rating**

PG-13

* * *

**Disclaimer**

This is a derivative work of _Nickelodeon_ shows and other subsequently specified quoted and paraphrased works of art I don't own.

* * *

**Abstract**

Carly Shay leaves Seattle and her friends in order toi join her father to Italy.

* * *

**Synopsis**

* * *

**Genres**

Mystery, Spritual, Family, Friendship, Science Fiction, Fluff et alii

* * *

**Fandoms**

The story occurs in the identified **universe** of a huge variety of current or past live action shows produced for _Nickelodeon_ channel, including, but not restricted to, _Victorious_, _Zoey 101_, _The iCarly Show_, _Drake & Josh_, _How To Rock_, _Big Time Rush_, _Unfabulous_, _Ned__'__s Declassified School Survival Guide_, _True Jackson VP_, _Supah Ninjas_, _House Of Anubis_, _Just Jordan_ … and makes heavy use of a variety of members of their casts.

* * *

**Prerequisites**

Knowledge of as many _Nickelodeon_ live action fandoms as possible, especially _The iCarly Show_, is truly appreciated, but, by design, rudimentary knowledge of the main characters and plot lines, as taught by the corresponding _Wikipedia_ pages, is sufficient.

* * *

**Timeline**

The narration starts in summer 2010.

The following indicates which episodes, season, and movies are supposed to be set in which academic year:

* * *

**2003/04**

_Drake & Josh_: Season 1, Season 2 until _Little Diva_

* * *

**2004/05**

_Drake & Josh_: rest of Season 2, Season 3 until _Helen__'__s Surgery_; _Zoey 101_: Season 1; _Unfabulous_ as a dream of Addie Singer; _Ned__'__s Declassified School Survival Guide_: Season 1 and 2

* * *

**2005/06**

_Drake & Josh_: rest of Season 3; _Fairly Odd Movie_as a dream of Drake Parker as Timothy Turner; _Zoey 101_: Season 2; _Ned__'__s Declassified School Survival Guide_: Season 3 Parker;

* * *

**2006/07**

_Zoey 101_: Season 3 until _The Radio_; _Just Jordan_: Season 1; _The Last Day Of Summer_; _Shredderman Rules!_; _Star And Stella Save The World_ as a dream of Stella Rivera alias the same actress's anonymous cameo in _Zoey 101_: _Surprise_; _Drake & Josh_: Season 4 as a dream of Megan Parker

* * *

**2007/08**

_The iCarly Show_: Season 1; _Just Jordan_: Season 2; _Victorious_ as a dream of Lola Martinez alias Tori Vega; _Spectacular!_ as a dream of Tammi Tyson alias Lola Martinez; _Zoey 101_: rest of season 3 and season 4 as a dream of Zoey Brooks

* * *

**2008/09**

_The iCarly Show_: Season 2 until _iRocked The Vote_; _Best Player_ as a dream of Quincy Johnson alias Spencer Shay; _The iCarly Show_: Rest of season 2 and later seasons as a dream by Carly Shay; _True Jackson VP_: Season 1 until _True Wedding_, _The House Of Anubis_ as a dream of Nina alias Dakota North.

* * *

**2009/10**

_Bigtime Rush_: Season 1; ; _True Jackson VP_: Season 1 since _Back To School_, Season 2 until _True Love_; _The Troop_ as a dream of Haley Steele.

* * *

**2010/11**

_Bigtime Rush_: Season 2; _Bigtime Rush_: season 3 and later as a dream of Kendall Knight; _Bucket & Skinner__'__s Epic Adventures_

* * *

**2011/2012**

_How To Rock_

* * *

**Summary**

Carly Shay is forced to leave Spencer and her friends in Seattle while starting a new life with her father, Commander Steven Shay, in Florence in Italy.

Several shocking surprises are awaiting Carly in Seattle, including a new step mother: Monique Chaumont, and her teacher for Italian: Zoey Brooks.

Carly is no longer sure whom she may trust, as she has abeen and is disappointed a bit by everyone.

Freddie and Sam start a new web show with Gibby, but they are willing to visit Carly at any cost, with terrifying consequences.

**Couples** include: Carly Shay / Dustin Brooks, Spencer Shay / Zoey Brooks, Steve Shay / Monique Chaumont, Nevel Papperman / Megan Parker, Samantha Puckett / Fredward Menson, Melanie Puckett / Prince Gabriel, Marissa Benson / The Chancellor Of Yerba

* * *

**Contents**

Chapter 1 Pilot  
1.1 Carly Shay  
1.2 End Of An Era  
1.3 Departure Party  
1.4 The Trip  
1.4.1 Leaving Bushwell  
1.4.2 Seattle Airport  
1.4.3 Leaving The Continent  
Chapter 2 New To Italy  
2.1 Towards A New Home  
2.1.1 Carly Ante Portas  
2.1.2 Tuscany  
2.2 The Step Mother  
2.2.1 Supershock  
2.2.2 Monique Chaumont  
2.2.3 First Call Home  
2.2.4 Military School  
2.3 First Day In The City  
2.3.1 Zoey Brooks  
2.3.2 The Public Terminal  
2.4 iGibby  
2.5 The Uffizi  
2.6 Evil Twin Cousin  
2.7 Outfit  
2.8 The World's Fattest Priest  
2.9 The Guest List  
2.10 Samantha's Plan  
2.11 Recent Military Intervention  
2.12 Ready!  
Chapter 3 The Wedding Celebrations  
3.1 Early Morning  
3.2 The Palace  
3.2.1 Shocking Appearance  
3.2.2 The Triumphal Ode  
3.2.3 Faithful And True  
3.3 Recovering From Chaos  
3.3.1 Paparazzi Alert  
3.3.2 Dystopia  
3.3.3 The Search Is On  
3.4 Finding Lost Friends  
3.4.1 Flaming Hands  
3.4.2 Spencer In Our Residence  
3.4.3 Leaving Spencer Behind  
Chapter 4 Confusion  
4.1 Monteriggione  
4.1.1 The Story Of Dana Cruz  
4.1.2 A New Home For Samantha  
4.1.3 Fredward's Awkward Situation  
4.1.4 Back To Florence  
4.2 Modern Renaissance Arts  
4.3 Clearing Up  
4.3.1 Looking For Trouble  
4.3.2 Spencer' Stubbornness  
4.3.3 The Sculpture  
4.3.4 The Prince Of Miranda  
4.3.5 Dismal Fredward  
4.4 Socko Strikes  
4.4.1 Drake And Josh In Italy  
4.4.2 Dock The Submarines  
Chapter 5 Finale

* * *

**Chapter 1 Pilot**

* * *

**1.1 Carly Shay**

Hello!

My name is **Carlotta Shay** … but you better call me Carly, just as everyone does!

I was born in 1994 in Orange County in the sunny state of California to **Steve Shay**, a navy officer, although some guys tried to force me to believe that he was an air force officer. But who cares, anyways?

During the first years of my life, he was stationed in Seal Beach.[1] But, just like many high officers, he had to go here and there, especially when there was a war ahead, either in southeastern Europe or in the islamic states. When I was eight years old, he had to move abroad in order to serve in a submarine, first as a staff member and then as its captain. Even later, he was made the one responsible for a whole fleet.

So you might wonder about my mother. Honestly, I can't remember. Not even _my elder brother_ **Spencer Shay** was able to tell me. He was not to be taken serious, anyways, as he was an expert for inventing absurd stories of the most scurrile sort. But that is a different story altogether.

Rumours stated that she had been unable to bear the stress of being married to some officer that was never at home, and thence she had to separate from dad early on.

And through my whole life as a kid or teenager, I did not really care about mom. She did not even occupy a spot in my memory.

So, it was obvious that I was not able to come with dad into the submarine.

Spencer is thirteen years my senior, and so he was already grown up when dad left us for the seven seas. When dad left, he had applied for a place in a program at Washington State Law School.

Basically, this was the dream of my grandpa, an experinced lawyer, who wanted to keep Spencer in our family's traditions.

But Spencer was not happy about this choice. After only three days of law school, ore maybe just a bootcamp, he left this career path and decided to work as a freelance sculptor.

Our grandpa was the one to take care of me first.

But then Spencer was assigned guardianship for the duration of my dad's absence. He was one insane mess of a guardian, but a lot of fun, after all.

Most of the time, I had also got two friends: **Fredward Benson**, _the 'nice boy' next door_, and **Samantha Puckett**, _a girl of dubious renown with excruciatingly rude manners and heavily criminal tendencies_. Without my frequent interventions, she would probably still be in juvenile prison, or whatever that's called.

Together, the three of us were running a web show named _iCarly_, which was particularly popular among tweens.

I was the moderator, Samantha was my colour moderator, and Fredward was our technical something, the guy with the web cam and similar stuff that I had never understood.

* * *

**1.2 End Of An Era**

But all of this was about to come to a sudden end once I turned sixteen. I had not seen dad for quite a few years already and always wished him to come home during his next break, but nothing like that had ever happened.

But now things took an unexpected turn. Dad was not just coming home for a short visit, but he had decided to take me with him to his new home in Italy.

More precisely, his new headquarter was in the city of Florence, or, as the pizza guy around the corner would have said, Firenze.

I was totally excited, although this would mean that I would have to leave Fredward and Samantha back at home.

I had no clue why dad was all of a sudden into family life, and that across the waves of the mighty Atlantic.

Of course the web show was also moribund, as it was impossible for us to reassemble across the ocean in order to produce it.

Also, Fredward Benson had kept on hitting on me during the last four years. That was kind of cute, although he could be annoying from time to time. Now there was probably a world breaking down for him.

Was I now supposed to keep his hopes up for the following years in some way or the other, just in order to prevent him from growing absolutely insane and wreaking severe havoc due to this?

Likewise, Samantha was not unlikely to commit more and more pernicious crimes without anyone to jump into the mess and pull her head out of the inevitable troubles.

And Spencer was such an incredible mess, he had often enough set the whole apartment randomly on fire, making us turn into the public enemy number one of Seattle's fire brigades.

So, all this was now about to be turning into history. There was one last webcast of _iCarly_, one last hug for Sam and Spencer, even one last kiss for Fredward?

But was all of this a reason for me to protest against moving on to a new world?

I did not think so, because I had missed out on dad for too many years straight.

Yes, it was a hard decision, but it had to be. I needed to try something new, for the last years had been like living in a box nailed shut by Spencer, Fredward, Samantha, and a few others.

* * *

**1.3 Departure Party**

One day was left until my departure.

But, of course, my friends would not have let me go without a party, as was usual among us teenagers.

Fredward and Samantha had organised this party in the basement of **Ridgeway High School**, _the educational institution visited by me and my friends_.

**Gibby**, _a freaky guy in my classes_, was running around shirtless, as used to be his habit. In my dreams, he had abandoned this demeanour, but fortunately it was only a nightmare, for a Gibby without the habit of getting occasionally rid of his shirt would not have been a Gibby any longer — 'a tragic loss' indeed!

**Principal Theodore Franklin** was even giving a long speech upon my impending departure.

I had never cared about the long speeches of adults, but I kept on smilimg.

After all, Franklin had always been, and still was, the best of all principals at American schools.

There was a live web report of my departure party, which was at the same time the very last episode of our web show.

Shirtless Gibby raced across the locker halls, yelling: "next week, there will be _iGibby_, the ultimate web show for middle school kids!"

I gasped. "What?" I shuddered even more thoroughly. "What? Whose idea was that?"

Gibby drummed his bare chest and growled like some weird jungle barbar: "Gibbay!"

Sam grabbed Gibby by his panties, and then she dragged him viciously into the next corner. "You were not supposed to talk about it before Carly's gone, and especially not in her presence!"

Fredward nodded. "Yeah, she is not supposed to know!"

Of course, now it was too late, and the secret of Freddie, Gibby, and Sam was was spoiled.

I choked. What was I going to make of this?

So, Fredward and Samantha had already planned their life after my departure, and, even more, just substituted Gibby for me.

This was nothing but a bare nightmare of mine.[2]

So, were they really just hypocrits when claiming that I was so grown on them, and my migration across the seven seas was totally impossible to get over with? Apparently, Gibby was able to substitute for me, at least in the mind of Fredward and Samantha.

Oh well, at least I tried hard to ignore this question for the duration of this party.

Spencer was of course also present at my goodbye party, and he was maybe also involved in the new project, my webshow after my departure. I tried to stay cool, pretending that I had not heard anything about my successor.

For better or worse, Franklin had assigned a few voluntary fire brigades with their extinguishers ready. For any event attended by Spencer was in danger of attracting random fires.

Spencer interrupted the course of the partu in order to make some really important announce. "During the last years, I kept talking on and off about my friend Socko, but you never got to see him."

I nodded deftly, as **Socko** — _a strange sort of friend of Spencer__'__s_ —was riginging some alert bells.

Whenever my brother and guardian wanted to find an excuse for his not so good ideas, he had blamed it on his friend Socko.

I had sometimes started to believe in Socko being all imaginary, for … what sort of a name was Socko anyways? Well, that weirdo often gave my bro multi-coloured socks with illumination, or that's what he had always made me believe.

Spencer continued, "Now, what is a party without good music, and fortunately, Socko has got a band to manage, and it is now the right moment for getting this band to show up."

Well, I was not going to contratdict the remark about the necessity of a cool band. But what sort of band was that of Socko?

So, this was the big moment for Socko to show up.

I gasped, because it turned out on site that I had known Socko already years ago.

Socko was no other than my step cousin **Joshuah Nichols** from San Diego.[3]

I had not seen him much before, and I had definitely not known that he had left San Diego, and that he was nowadays dwelling in Seattle.

But, actually — or so explained Spencer — Joshuah and my cousin **Drake Parker**, alias Joshuah's step brother, were running **Parker Nichols Inn**, _a run down hotel in downtown Seattle_.[4]

I banged my head against the walls, because I had never even dared to make the connection between that inn and my extended kinsfolk, although it should have been so obvious.

The band managed by Joshuah was of course that of Drake, a formerly well known teenage rock idol whose career had turned somewhat stale.

Once upon a time, Drake and Josh had tried to gain some bucks by turning their family residence into sort of a hotel during the top season.[5] This provided them with the idea of becoming hotel managers after their high school time.

So, why did the guys have to hide this from me?

There was something fishy, and I should have sensed that, but I was apparently too dumb for caring at this moment.

So, cousin Drake showed up as well, along with a few fellow band members. Then they started to play a heart tearing goodbye song.[6]

**_"_**  
That plane stands rigged and ready in the airport  
To Italy is it going to fly.  
Straight into the mediterranean sunshine.  
Far away from Seattle's rainy sky.  
And Carly will be aboard the plane tomorrow.  
Full of tears because of this good-bye.  
**_"_**

This was so incredibly cute, and so I was utterly unable to help ignoring the fact that Spencer and my kinsmen from San Diego had lied to me for several years straight.

Drake Parker was also supported by his friends **Justin Bibber**[7] and **Harold Stiles**,[8]_two of the greatest rock talents of my age_.

The three of them had never performed together, and almost everyone in America had deemed their cooperation absurd and impossible due to hostilities of their fan base, but Spencer and Josh had somehow managed it.

I almost broke into tears. Fortunately, I was already a big girl, wasn't I?

On my way out from the party, I apparently had to hug all pupils, which would take me quite some time, especially shirtless Gibby.

* * *

**1.4 The Trip**

* * *

**1.4.1 Leaving Bushwell**

My luggage was already in the cab taking me to Seattle's airport.

Sam had taken thoroughly care of that, albeit in a somewhat rude manner, but I did not care at all.

And now there was the true reason why I was looking forward for living no longer in **Bushwell Palaza**, _my home during my life in Seattle_.

I had to cross the lobby of the plaza, walking past _disgusting doorman_ **Lewbert**.

The latter yelled senselessly like an idiot, for no good reason, and he was proud of his ugly face, including an excruciatingly gross wart which he did not only not care to get rid off, but which he was explicitly cultivating.

Fortunately, I had finally left the building.

Fredward still insisted in coming with me to the airport, inspite of Samantha's warnings. "You will just embarrass yourself by crying and weeping like a cataract when Carly is finally walking past the line of no return."

I was not going to fly straight to Florence from Seattle airport.

Rather, a first machine would take me from Seattle to New York, than a transcontinental jet plane from New York across the mighty Atlantic to Rome, the eternal city. And from there, a train would take me to Florence.

My dad was expecting me in New York City. He had to check with the Pentagon before taking the trip.

I was finally sitting in the taxi cabin, and Fredward squeezed himself into the door, threatening to jump in front of the next door if I would not take him along with me to the airport.

Not even Samantha was able to dissuade him from committing such a stupidity, no, quite the contrary, she would have explicitly helped him doing so.

Spencer was close to tears, and maybe Samantha was able to comfort him, as she was good at that — for some odd reason.

* * *

**1.4.2 Seattle Airport**

The trip to the airport in a cabin with Fredward was terrible, as he always tried to kiss me over and over again. Unfortunately I could not simply say "no", for the aforementioned reasons, for he was likely to wreak servere havoc in such a case.

But now I had to hurry up. Dad had ordered some soldiers from his former unit that were still stationed here at the Pacific Coast to take care of my luyggage and other stuff. But even they were not able to talk any sense into Fredward.

Shuddering for disgust, I kissed Fredward somehow … somewhere … just to get it done.

The gorillas were at least able to prevent Fredward from following me past the red line where only confirmed passengers and authorised airport staff members were admitted.

A shuttle was taking us to the airplane. It was not my first flight, and so I was not really excited. That would certainly be a lot different when boarding the plane in New York City. But now I walked calmly to my seat.

The plane was about to take off into the rainy sky, leaving good old Seattle behind.

* * *

**1.4.3 Leaving The Continent**

So, finally dad was with me, and this was my first trip in an intercontinental plane.

I had already been in Canada and in Mexico, though. In a dream, I had made it to Japan, along with Fredward, Samantha, Spencer, and Freddie's mom.[9]

**_"_**  
The plane was old and dirty, and we were paradropped over Tokyo. We were receiving an award for the best web show.

And then we did not want to fly back in a similar plane, and thus we were forced to use a fishing boat in order to cross the mighty Pacific.  
**_"_**

I had expected that dad would help me to overcome my excitement, but this was not exactly the case.

My father was no longer the same guy as he had been before leaving me behind with Spencer in Seattle.

In my dreams, he had always looked the same.[10]

But in reality, he had grown quite a bit older. Dad was nervous on his own right, but he did not talk about this.

I wagered that it had todo with his visit over at the pentagon, but this was no more than a rough guess.

Maybe there was some wicked war arising … such as somewhere in the middle east where everything was screwed big times.

The engines howled, and the plane took off in order to leave our continent behind.

It was an icky feeling to know that there was nothing but the endless ocean below us.

I was almost going insane in the passengers' cabin, and so I squealed, "Attention, Europe, here comes Carly!"

But was the old continent going to welcome me?

* * *

**Chapter 2 New To Italy**

* * *

**2.1 Towards A New Home**

* * *

**2.1.1 Carly Ante Portas**

The waves of the mighty Atlantic had been crossed safelely, and we were ready to come down from the clear blue mediterranean sky.

So, this was Rome, the city of which we had heard so much oin our history classes.

**Mr. Devlin**,[11]_one of our meanest teachers for history teaching at Ridgeway_, had talked a lot about the old times of **Julius Cæsar** and other dead people.

At some point, the city had been attacked by some **Hanibal** and a pack of elephants. I did not remember whether that had been before or after Julius Cæsar, but was it all that important?

Too bad there was not much time left for me in order to visit the city of the old emperors.

But sooner or later, I would find the time to conquer this city of cities.

For the time being, we had to hurry in order to catch a train to Florence, though.

* * *

**2.1.2 Tuscany**

I was lucky that we were now taking a train instead of a plane, although this was a trifle slower.

Many hours in the air had made me all dizzy and insane.

And this was a really cool train, and the landscape was much cooler.

I was reminded thoroughly of one of Spencer's recent favourite video games, _Terrorist__'__s Honour Code_.[12]

My brother had already spent endlessly many hours in front of the **game sphere**,[13]_one of his video game consoles_, in order to beat the last secrets out of the game featuring the life of a nobleman from fiftheenth century Tuscany, interacting with the most important people of Florence on the brink to modern times, people such as **Leonardo da Vinci**, **Lorenzo de****'**** Medici**, **Niccolo Macchiavelli**, and many more.

Devlin had told us quite a bit about that era, known as — or so he called it — **Renaissance**.

I also passed the city of Arezzo. This place had been famous for the invention of musical scores — or so claimed my alike looking cousin **Megan Parker**, the little evil sister of Drake — by some monk at the local monastery.

Megan was infamous for pulling pranks on Drake and Josh. But that was fortunately not my concern, although I had sometimes run into troubles for looking too much like her. But this had stopped upon my departure from California for Seattle. Megan was, on the other hand, also a very gifted musician, mastering the oboe, an extremely versatile woodwind instrument. That made her particularly knowledgeable in the history of historical music.

Honestly, I did not want to hear about it, for I was definitely more into modern rock and pop stuff.

It is also the birthplace of a twin couple of actors at **Dingo Channel**,[14]_a teenage themed broadcasting corporation residing in Los Angeles_. They were really cute and hot.[15] Unfortunately, they were not likely to show up over there anymore. This did not prevent me from pressing my lips against the window of the train, imagining that those star twins were just waiting for me outside the cabin.

Alas … as much as I liked those actors, the whole channel was a bunch of miserable traitors and thieves of the worst sort. I had once got a dream in which one of their shows plagiarised shamelessly _iCarly_, and Sam had to use her buttersock in order to talk some sense into them.

Besides old buildings, about whose architecture Spencer had told me a lot, the region was also famous for its wines, and I spotted quite a few of the grape farms.

Finally, we reached Florence, ready to take a car sent by dad's boss in order to reach my new home, the American officers' residences in the upper town.

* * *

**2.2 The Step Mother**

* * *

**2.2.1 Supershock**

As aforementioned, I had got close to no memories of my mother. But I had never expected dad to marry again, and I had never heard anything about it.

Our car halted in front of my new residence, and dad's henchman helped me out of the car.

A woman — around 45 years old — was about to leave the house.

I had expected her to be an employee or so in charge with the residences during our absence.

But why was she running up to dad and kissing him right in front of my eyes?

I choked hard, and then my world went dark in no time.

* * *

**2.2.2 Monique Chaumont**

I woke up a few minutes later in my new room. Well, in the moment of my awakening I was not aware of the time that had elapsed since my blackout, and I was not familiar with this location, which I had never seen before.

Dad was here. "So, this is your room … ain't it neat?"

I looked around, still a bit dazed, in order to admire my new home. "Looks … nice?" I smiled.

Well, compared to my old room in Bushwell Plaza, this room was certainly great. But I needed to get accustomed to the whole new home, and thus I was still not comfortably feeling at home here. And it was of course more than this new room to get accustomed to.

But now it was time for dad to introduce the woman, and to explain what she was doing here.

"Carly, this is my future wife, **Monique Chaumont**."[16] Dad grinned.

So, Monique was sort of my step mother, or at least she was going to be — sooner or later.

I waved. "Hi Monique … er … mom." I coughed silently.

Well, I had never been familiar with my real mom, so it should not have been too confusing. But, nevertheless, the mere fact that dad was going to get remarried was a terrible surprise for me.

They explained that their wedding was going to be in a few weeks, and I was selected as a bridal maid. There was a lot for us to do.

I coughed again, because I had never been asked before.

This was a terrifying surprise, after all.

I wondered: "Does Spencer know about it?"

Dad shook his head. "It would be better for all of us if he stays away from our wedding."

I gasped. "You do not want your own son tro show up at your wedding?"

Monique nodded solemnly. "Spencer is … embarrassing!"

I sighed deeply. Of course, I had to understand that a law school dropout like Spencer was not someone to impress all the high ranking air force officers that would inevitably be present at his wedding. But I still could not help feeling that it was totally wrong excluding him a priori.

But was it really Monique who had pushed dad into uninvitin Spencer, or had it be his own idea?

* * *

**2.2.3 First Call Home**

Left alone in my room, I picked my own phone. Of course it would be horribly expensive to call across the ocean with an American mobile phone card. But I needed to tell Spencer, Fredward, and Sam that I had made it safely to my new home, regardless of the excessively high costs for doing so. I was totally excited.

Spencer made a lot of stupid remarks, inspite of knowing that I had to pay by the second.

I told him to greet Fredward and Samantha, and maybe even Gibby, Principal Franklin, and so on.

Unfortunately, Spencer could not stop talking until my sim card expired, making it impossible to even mention our impending step mother.

I sighed deeper and deeper.

Now I had to wait until I got a new card, allowing me to phone again. But it would never be cheap.

Maybe I was better off contacting my brother and my friends by means of electronic mail. There was certainly internet access here in the residence of dad and Monique.

On the other hand, it was probably controlled much more than those of civil people, in order to avoid leaking military secrets.

Dad's marriage was not a military secret, was it? Or maybe it was, and there was a deeper reason for not informing Spencer about the wedding.

Whatever the reason, I had to find a way to contact my brother and my friends in Seattle again … as soon as possible.

And I had to get my hands to cool down. In the toilets, there were two water tapes: One labelled "C", the other "F". I had been believing the letters to stand for "cold" and 'fiery'. But this was not the case … ouch!

* * *

**2.2.4 Military School**

At our first common dinner in my new residence, I learned a bit about Monique Chaumont's life before knowing dad.

She was really an Italian woman, inspite of the French name that she had got from her father. Monique had been a high ranked staff member of the US Military School in France.

Yes, there was such a thing.

And now she was doing a similar job here in the Tuscany, more precisely, she was the principal of the US military school in Monteriggione, a little city in the province of Siena.

I shuddered at the thought of such a school, as I had supposed that they only existed in the US, but I was thoroughly mistaken.

The name of that town town rang a bell. It was featured in Spencer's aforementioned video game, as the residence of the hero, a young noble rebel from the Tuscany.

Many bad guys from American schools had been deported to Military schools here in Europe, and I would soon hear about some of them.

But for now, it was better to acknowledge that Monique Chaumont was nobody to mess with.

* * *

**2.3 First Day In The City**

* * *

**2.3.1 Zoey Brooks**

I was granted the permission to walk the city of Florence, but a couple of privates was going to watch me all the time.

He had tried to hide that fact, but there was no doubt that I was watched during each and every step, be it in malls or pubs.

The impernding wedding implied the necessity of getting ready for it, especially that of finding some outfit.

But there was also another reason why I was allowed to go to the city.

I did not yet know any Italian, but dad and Monique had arranged some teacher for me, a young American woman that was studying the history of arts here at Florence. I was going to meet her here in some street bar. I wondered who had been able to get dad's approval for helping me to get started.

OK, there she was, apparently the typical blond Mary Sue of your daily soap. She introduced herself as **Zoey Brooks**, _a student of the history of arts, among other things, here at Florence_. She was now nineteen years old and had graduated from **pca**, _a boarding school in Los Angeles County in California_, about a year ago.

This was the same boarding school at which **Melanie Puckett**,[17]_a monozygotic twin sister of Samantha_, had been studying since middle school. Even Sam had been there for a few days, but she had returned from there after a few days only.[18] Sam had never talked about her time over there, and I had never cared to bother with it. I was now too nervous to ask Zoey whether she knew Sam. The truth would have shocked me even girther, as we will see later on. And I had already gone through too many shocking surprises during the last months.

Things looked nice, and we agreed on starting with the lessons in Italian as soon as possible.

Sooner or later, I ould want to got downtown and hit on some excessively cute Italian boys, but before that I wanted to know how to say something like _I miss my brother_.

Zoey sighed. "_Mi manca mio fratello._"

Of course I had thought about Spencer a lot during the last hours.

Now I told Zoey that I needed to look for some outfir for dad's impending wedding. "Do you know some appropriate shops here around the mall?"

The Mary Sue grinned. "Oh, I may design and tailor some appropriate outfit for you."

I gasped. "You are a fashion tailor?"

Zoey sighed deeply. "Maybe? I would like to run my own fashion line, at least some day."

That was a bit surprising, for I had expected Zoey to be up to some career involving the airforce, regardless of being a student of history of arts here at Florence.

The blond Mary Sue talked about her experiences as a fashion freak during middle school times. She had designed backpacks,[19], dresses,[20] and tops, the latter for no other than teenage rock idol Drake Parker.[21]

I gasped. "Drake? You have worked for my cousin?"

Zoey was not aware of that connection, well, very few people were.

I had never wanted this to become too well known, for otherwise the kids in Seattle would have turned totally annoying, asking me for autographs of my popular cousin, and stuff like that. Especially Samantha Puckett, a hell of a fan of Drake, would have bothered me to death because of this kinship.

Zoey explained that she had once organised a spring fling party at Pacific Coast Academy, just when Drake had at the beginning of his career.

It had all started with a concert of _the greatest rock legend of the generation before:_ **Devin Malone**.[22] Josh had accidentally injurd the hand of Malone, making him unable to use it in order to pick the guitar chords. Drake had substituted for the established superstar, and he convinced a lot, thus turning into the next rock star.

That had happened already long after my move from Seal Beach to Seattle, and thus I had not cared.

Zoey also explained what the letters "C" and "F" on the water taps were supposed to mean, and this was quite the opposite of what I had made of them. They denote the Italian words **caldo** for _hot_ and **freddo** for _cold_, respectively.

Oh well, I had apparently learned something the hard and painful way ….

By the way, Zoey appeared to know my alike-looking cousin Megan. "She is really an annoying prankster. My geeky friend **Queen Pensky** had once dreamt about Megan assuming a fake name, **Paige Howard**,[23] and coming to Pacific Coast Academy for a visit iin order to present a new invention, some power plant. Paige alias Megan almost achieved ruining Quinn's self confidence completely, while pretending to be totally friendly."

Yeah, that sounded a lot like Megan, and it was fortunately just a nightmare. Megan would certainly have blown up the whole campus with her invention.

* * *

**2.3.2 The Public Terminal**

I was able to purchase an Italian card for my mobile phone, and I found a public terminal in order to send messages to Spencer, Fredward, and Samantha.I would have tried to establish a live chat connection, but the time difference between Florencxe and Seattle amounted to nine hours, making it hard to find a time when both Spencer and I were awake, let alone Fredward and Samantha,

So, I started writing some mail to Spencer. Was I going to mention the impending wedding of dad and Monique? I sighed sadly, because I figured that he would go insane. But not telling it would just postpone the shocking revelation. I hoed that Sam and Fredward would be with him in the critical moments. I closed my eyes in order to get done with it and send the mess of a message. Really, I did noy know how to say it, and not even how to write it. IN addition, I was way too excited to proofread my message.

At my departur party, Gibby had talked about the upcoming web show he was making with the help of Fredward and Samantha, hurting my feelings badly. It was supposed to start this week.

I was curious enough to look up the site. Was it something like _iGibby dot com_?

OK, Fredward had set up the new web site, so it was most likely still at the same **numerical IP address** — a term Fredward used sometimes and that went far above my technical knowledge.

I just tried to reach the old _iCarly_ site … bingo!

Freddie, Sam, and Gibby had just given it a new name, replacinng the word _Carly_ with _Gibby_.

And there was a hint. The first episode of the new web show would be tonight, that is, way after midnight for Italian clocks.

There was hardly a way for me to sneak to the computer at that time of the day in oder to watch the pilot, even worse, it would have made me just angry and sad seeing with how much ease I was to replace, just like removing an old battery from an electric torch and inserting a new one.

Fredward had introduced **videos on demand** of back issues of my web show.

I had never understood exactly what this meant, but it seemed like _a possibility of watching issues of the web show that you have missed out one_.

So, for me it meant that I was going to try that option.

* * *

**2.4 iGibby**

Yeah, my new phone card rocked.

With my pear phone, I was now able to watch a video on demand of the pilot of _iGibby_, right after some annoying breakfast with dad and Monique in our residence.

My worst fears concerning the future of my abandoned web show had come true:

The show was made in the attic of Spencer's loft at Bushwell Plaza, just as my good old _iCarly_. Why, pray tell, had Spencer allowed them to use our attic for _iGibby_? This sucked so utterly and completely.

Even the technical equipment was still the same, or at least it looked the same, for I was unable to judge precisely because of my lack of understanding of technical crap.

They had not even replaced the background.

Shirtless Gibby moderated the web show, and he was assisted by Samantha.

And Gibby had copied averything. He was even wearing a wig in the likeness of my hair, albeit only for a few seconds.

Thereupon, Samantha pulled the wig rudely off his head. She had to apply quite a bit of force, as Gibby had glued the fake hair to his head with **Grizzly Glue**,[24] which was _one of the strongest industrial glues available at the east coast_. Otherwise, the wig would have fit only loosely, slipping off his head over and over again.

Needless to say, Gibby screamed like a little girl during the painful procedure. "Now I have not got any hair at all!"

Samantha moaned hypocritically: "Aw, Gibby needs a hair transplant!"

Fredward inserted a virtual banderole across the screen, reading "hair transplant".

Samantha grinned, picking up a pair of scissors and jumping towards Fredward. "OK, let's transplant Freddie's hair top Gibby's skull!"

The tech producer was apparently by absolutely no means keen on getting his skull razored clean by Samantha's scissors, and he tried to escape at any cost.

Finally, the whole thing collapsed, because Gibby accidentally stumbled, tearing the wrong wires and slumping onto the wrong buttons.

So, this was the pilot?

I walked to the toilets in order to empty my troubled stomach.

Oh, and what about my mail to Spencer?

Well, he had read it. and he refused to believe me. "Dad would never do that! There must be a misunderstanding" Yeah, Spencer had always had a hard time believing me plain and simpole things.

I should have seen it coming, and maybe refrained from even bothering with talking about dad's impending wedding.

May Fredward and Samantha would be able to talk some sense into my misguided and hopelessly naïve elder brother. But maybe — or so I feared — they had lost their interest in helping me completely, as they had now got Gibby.

* * *

**2.5 The Uffizi**

Being a student of art, Zoey tried hard to get me to talk with her about, and even more to visit, the most important marks of arts in the city of Florence and its surroundin province, which seemed to be something like a county for us Americans.

It was my second week in Florence, and I had already learned a lot about food and drinks, allowing me to order my favourite meals in the inns here, also known as **trattorie** or **osterie**.

Samantha would have been proud of me.

The **Uffizi** were one of our goals, _one of the most important art galleries in good old Europe. This museum had been originally a building for the offices of the city magistrates, whence the name._ Bushwell Plaza had got a similar history.

Fortunately, much of the Uffizi had been destroyed during a recent rain storm, resulting in the necessity of repair works, for which part of the gallery had to be closed down.

Thus there was not much for Zoey Brooks to show me right now, especially not the most fampus works of art, videlicet those about which the blond Mary Sue would have been able to talk about forever.

I sighed somewhat for relief. "Cool … er … not cool … it's such a pity that you can't show me now the summits of the history fine arts." I grinned mischievously.

Spencer had sometimes taken me to art galleries in Seattle. Of course none of those had got the history of the biggest galleries in Europe, including the Louvre in Paris and the Queen's galleries in London. But he would have taken a lot of pride in getting one of his works of arts exhibited over there.

I sighed deeply. "The works of my brother should be exhibited here, not those lame sculptures of long dead people!"

Zoey glared at me. "Your brother is an artist?"

I nodded solemnly. "Yeah, a cool one. Even the big Harold Joiner had to acknowledge this."

Zoey gasped. "Jo … Jo … Joiner!"

**Harry Joiner**[25] was _one of the greatest living pop artists of America_. He had once visited Spencer and been jealous of his supreme artistic skills.

Unfortunately, this has not yet helped him to get his sculptures exposed in the galleries of Seattle.

So, Zoey was apparently quite familiar with Harold Joiner. "Yeah, if Joiner says so, it has to be … Joiner is the leading authority of modern arts. I mean, I study the history of classic fine arts, but my own backpack designs are certainly not very classic."

I would have liked to see one of her designs.

But Zoey concentrated on explaining the works of arts that were still accessible to the public.

When we were finally leaving the building, I swore that — at leat one day — Spencer's collected works would be exhibited in this galery or another at least equally famous one.

* * *

**2.6 Evil Twin Cousin**

The preparations for dad's and Monique's wedding were coming along well.

But still there was no trace of a hope that Spencer would even be invited, and he still refused to believe that there was something like a wedding ahead. He believed that I was making up stuff. He promised to show up here in Florence for a visit for Christmans … maybe …

This reminded me so much of dad's ongoing promises to come over to Seattle for a visit, especially over Christmas, but many years had gone by without anything like that happening, notwithstanding all those hopeful anncouncements.

OK, according to dad, Spencer was the black sheep of the Shay family, because he had dropped out of Law School after three daya and lied to dead about this all the time.

Maybe if dad had not been absent for five years straight, there would have been a better opportunity for my brother to find the courage to tell him about such an important decision? No?

But this was not all that had to be said about this topic.

Monique was working for the administration of a school responsible for hundreds of bad guys and girls … robbers, bullies, and even worse.

And who was invited to the wedding? A bunch of representants of the very same school was, that is a squad of throat rippers and the like.

So, let me get itb right: There would be a bunch of bullies and rowdies legally at the wedding, but not the groom's son? This sounded less and less right.

Monique explained that Spencer Shay was a very bad example for today's youth, and that he should not be allowed in their vicinity.

I protested vigorously, for I believed to knoe him better than Monique did.

But dad shook his head. "Good examples don't drop out oif law school and refrain from telling their parents about it, for several years straight. And they don't cause astronomical fire brigade bills."

And things were getting worse.

While Spencer was not even invited, there were a few remote kinsmen that I did definitely not want to see again.

For example, the **Dorfman family**,[26]_a bunch of freaks allergic to each and every food_, was welcome, although the kitchen staff was required to follow strict rules in order to refrain from getting them killed. In other words, the meal at the wedding celebrations would be excessively bland.

But the worst of all was Megan Parker, my aforementioned alikelooking cousin from San Diego, who had already caused me a few troubles as a nursery school girl in Orange County.

Dad explained, "Megan will blow the wedding march!"

OK, this made some kind of sort of sense.

But I had to wonder, "why will she make the whole way across the ocean on her own? She is even a few months younger than me."

Dad explained that she was not going to make her way alone. "Some other relative will come along with her."

Right, yet one more relative of the boring and useless sort that I did not want to see again.

That sucked big times, and this did not even involve the guys of my favourite boy band, Big Time Rush.

OK, so Megan was blowing a march in her oboe. She was dreaming of going to the philharmonic school of the **Teatro Alla Scala**, _one of the most important classic theatre houses of the European continent located in Milan_, and there would be a very important man from the board of that theatre was invited to the wedding.

Talking about career plans: Dad had already found a way for me to continue my career as a show moderator.

More precisely, I had been selected for a TV show for the kids of US American officers stationed in central Europe. The responsible broadcast director would also be at the wedding.

* * *

**2.7 Outfit**

I learned more and more Italian.

While teaching me, Zoey also took well care of the design and tailoring of the outfit of the wedding couple and the attendents.

I had already noticed that she reacted strangely when I mentioned my brother.

But she always avoided carfully talking about her own siblings, if she had any, which I supposed strongly.

The outfit designed by the blond Mary Sue looked very cool and fashionable.

But I was still not in the mood of celebrating.

At least there was some hope.

Samantha Puckett had just sent me a message, saying that she was looking for a way to make it to my dad's wedding, even if for the one and only reason of emptying the banquet. She was always hungry, no matter what. And she would try hard to talk any sense into my brother, making him believe in my words.

OK, this message raised my spirit somewhat, although this was not really much.

Was I really going to trust Samantha after she had backstabbed by starting a new web show with Gibby as the main moderator?

By the way, only part of the banquet would be subject to the Dorfman's dietary restrictions. Most of it would be prepared by **Pierre Le Mange**,[27]_one of the leading cooks at Pacific TV Channel._

* * *

**2.8 The World's Fattest Priest**

The wedding itself would be conducted by **Father MacCurdy**,[28]_the world__'__s fattest priest_.

I remembered that freak somewhat.

Two years ago, we applied for a record to be listed in _Jonas Book Of Records_. More precisely, we wanted to beat the record for the longest web show — ever!

We had been so close, but unfortunately some power failure had stopped us in the last minute.

Fortunately, we still made it into the book, but as Spencer's assistants.

My brother and guardian had built a sculpture that made it into the book, something with many mobile parts, and he made us attach the last missing parts in order to make us appear i the book as well, complete with a picture.

Als, our record had lasted for a year only, videlicet until a certain Sinjin van Cleef from **Hollywood School For The Professional Performance Arts**, _an academy in Los Angeles for future Hollywood stars_, beat Spencer's record again.

* * *

**2.9 The Guest List**

I took a look at the list of visitors and guests for the great wedding event.

As aforementioned, I had been disgusted by the presence of some people on the guest list, even before examining it.

But things were turning worse every moment.

Dad's best man was a certain **Commander Robinson**.

His daughter **Melissa Robinson**[29] had been _one of my best friends when dad was still stationed in Orange County_. I had almost forgotten about that lass, although she had occasionally alluded in her visitors' messages on the _Splash Face_ board of _iCarly_ that she was by no means pleased with my new best friend forever. Her hints were suddle, and I was not willing to believe them outright, but Fredward noticed them.

But a year ago, I had a dream about her returning to Seattle, and in that nightmare, she had tried to sabotage my friend ship with Samantha, even to tegh degree of trying to poison her seriously.

Of course, the stomach and the intestines of a true Puckett were as tough as hippopotamus leather, thus such an attempt would have failed in reality. Sam would not havce noticed anything at all. In my dream, we had been able to get rid of Missy.

But the main message was that Missy would certainly have tried to do something to ruin Sam and me,

I wondered, "will Missy also be a wedding guest?"

In this case, trouble would be absolutely inevitable.

Missy hated me probably beyond any hitherto beknownst measure because I preferred now Samantha over her.

I could have studied the list for much longer, looking for Missy, but I was way too much disgusted for doing so.

Well, there were the list of students of Monique's military academy, but … hey! I was not supposed to know any of the creeps , anyways? They were not listed by name, anyways, only their amount was hinted … that was a typo, wasn't it? Really, what did so many rude guys want at dad's wedding?

The pupils were guided by one **Dana Cruz**, _former graduate and nowadays gym teacher at Monteriggione__'__s military academy_.

Of course the ambassador of the United States here in Italy was not going to miss out on this 'glorious' event, either.

Unfortunately, **Michelle Obama**,[30]_the wife of the president of the United States Of America_, had to turn down the request of visiting the celebrations.

I had once had a dream that the first lady would visit our web cast. Mrs. Obama was a fan of our web show. She ogften visited the families of soldiers and officers sent abroad for a mission.

* * *

**2.10 Samantha's Plan**

But there was at least one sort of hope left. Samantha had indeed found a way to get Spencer. herself, and even Fredward to show up at dad's third wedding.

Unfortunately, I did not yet get to know the details of her plan.

My situation here was so horrible, the least spark of hope appeared like a new sun on the horizon.

On the other hand, I was not sure whether Samantha and Freddie travelling together in my absence was a good idea.

In one of my dreams, they went visiting a Canadian fatcake factory of some sorts. **Canadian fatcakes**,[31]_deep fried dough filled with sweet or spicy creams following a special Canadian recipe_, were deemed illegal in the United States. Maybe they were still available in Italy? Hey, that would have been a great meal for the wedding banquet, right?

I called Pierre Le Mange, asking him to add Canadian fat cakes to the menu for the wedding.

Oh well, according to the master cook, Canadian fat cakes could not hold a dimming candle to the original Dutch fatcakes.

Apparently, star cooks were a bit difficult, as I had once upon a time experienced in a dream about **Richard Flame**,[32]_one of the greatest TV cooks of this time, besides Le Mange._

For Father MacCurdy, fatcakes were of course no problem. And he had got a taste fairly comparable to that of Samantha Puckett, he was just not able to stay as slim as my best friend.

* * *

**2.11 Recent Military Intervention**

The wedding day would not only feature the wedding celebrations, but also his military achievements in the wars throughout the world and the seven seas.

Needless to say, my dad had earned this way quite a awards and medals.

I was of course not always informed where in the world his submarines were supposed to travel and to fight.

But now it was obvious where his last victorious mission had been" A little island state named **Yerba**,[33] located somewhere out in Easter Asia.

A few years ago, a certain **The Chancellor** had taken over the government of this state, against international protests because of the history of that politician in **Miranda**,[34] a little kingdom in South America.

Oh, I really loved the name _Miranda_. But, honestly, I had never heard about it, and only little about Yerba.

The Chancellor resolved the protests against his regime by locking up, torturing, and deporting most of the political opposition. The embassy of the United States of America and those of a few other western states had been occupied by the Chancellor's troops, probably also in order to look for refugees trying to appeal to asylum laws in the United States, Canada, Australia, or the United Kingdom.

In any case, dad had commanded a secret submarine mission in order to free the embassies of the western states, and he was going to be honoured for his glorious mission upon his wedding as well.

This explained the presence of the ambassadors at his wedding, and maybe even the heir of the throne of the United Kingdom.

Also, representants of the reformed Republic Of Yerba were supposed to participate in the wedding ceremony.

This was of course very exciting.

But it was also a problem for security, as there would be more gorillas then ever.

So, was there still a simple way left for Samantha to sneak past the lines, along with Spencer and Fredward, in order to make it to the wedding party?

OK, I knew Samantha well enough to figure that she would be able to find a way to break through the security barricades.

There was probably more about Yerba and its former usurpator than dad or Monique had ever told me, and it was pretty obvious for me that they were either not willing or not allowed to talk about it.

Should I have been worried about the whole thing with Yerba? I did really not jope so, but the evasive demeanour of dad and Monique did little to help me forgetting about the whole affair at once.

* * *

**2.12 Ready!**

Finally, Zoey was done with her outfits for the wedding attendents, and it was really cool and fashionable.

But I was not sure whether Commander Robinson was going to be willing wear this kind of tuxedo suit.

Zoey's cellular phone rang aloud. She sighed and picked it up. "Oh, Dustin!" She sighed deeply.

I wondered whom she was talking to.

A few minutes after the phone call, Zoey would tell me that **Dustin Brooks** was her younger brother, maybe one year younger than me, and that he was still a student at Pacific Coast Academy. But she would do so only grudgingly, and it was clear that she would have preferred to refrain from mentioning him at all, let alone talking about him.

I did not really understand what she was talking about, but it became very soon pretty much obvious that she was totally overprotective of him. I had to think thereupon about Spencer's attitude towards me during the last years, making me sigh deeply. Usually, Spencer had appeared to be rather careless, barring on a few occasion where he reasted in a similar manner as Zoey[35] seemed to demonstrate towards Dustin. This had almost caused grandpa to get his guardianship annulated,[36] forcing me to move with the old tooter over to **Yakima**, _a small town in the less urbanised regions of the state of Washington_.

This made me even more concerneced with Samantha's plans of sneakimng herself, Fredward, and Spencer into the wedding party. What if Spencer got caught by security, and he would get confronted with dad? No, it was really not possible to consequently imagine a scenario of that kind, until the bitter end, a public family scandal.

* * *

**Chapter 3 The Wedding Celebrations**

* * *

**3.1 Early Morning**

Finally, dad's great day had come.

I awoke fairly early, and that was probably better then having to rush too much later on.

It was fairly obvious that all of us participants would get stressed during the course of the wedding celebrations, as these were highly official.

I better changed into my mride maid's gown as fast as only possible.

Zoey had told me not to don it too hastily, for otherwise, it was likely to get scrambled and torn too easily.

And what was worse than appearing at dad's wedding with a thorpughly misfigured gown? It would have been about as embarrassing as the presence of a law school droput, such as my beloved elder brother and ex guardian.

* * *

**3.2 The Palace**

* * *

**3.2.1 Shocking Appearance**

Also, the location for this wedding had been chosen with style.

This was the wedding hall: The **Palazzo Medici Riccardi** … and what a place for a nuptial reception it was, impressive indeed.

Those Medici guys seemed to have been everywhere in this town during the aforementioned Renaissance times.

Zoey knew a lot about the Medici Clan, who appeared to have been one of the richest families of that era, and they were of course also featured in Spencer's favourite game about the terrorist and his quest for honour.

I shuddered, for making a serial killer and thief a hero of a video gamne did not seem just right. But I better forgot about these problems during teh course of this wedding, or otherwise I would screw up the ceremony, getting dad thoroughly embarrassed.

Some of the guests were already present, including my cousin Megan.

I recognised her oboe, the best wat to distinguish the two of us, as I would never play such a stupid instrument. I could not ebven make and sense of the word _oboe_, but, according to Megan, it meant _high wood_.

My cousin had not come alone. She was accompanied by a responsible adult who looked very much like Spencer, just more insane and psychopathic.

I did not get it. wondering: "Does my cousin try so hard to imitate me, by even hiring someone to look like Spencer, even some insane sociopath?"

Megan chuckled merrily. "Oh, you think I envy you for something? Maybe for your lame excuse of a web show?" She cackled with subtly sadistical traces.

I choked, although I had not necessarily expected anything better from my annoying cousin.

Megan growled: "Now I have to go to the last choir practice. We better not screw up the bridal chorus!"

Her adult companion named himself "Steven Shay Jr.". "But most people know me as **Crazy Steve**." He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Wait … Steven Shay Junior?" My head started spinning like a merry-go-round … well, definitely not merry, but more and more round. I had to ask myself, "was Crazy Steve the son of my dad, Colonel Steven Shay?" Of course I was not willing to let this quuestion be unanswered. And if it was just another foul prank by my alike looking cousin, I did not want to let her get away with it.

* * *

**3.2.2 The Triumphal Ode**

The celebration of his military success in the secret mission over in Yearba had been scheduled right before the wedding ceremony.

The necessity for this was hard to explain, at least it was not understandale to me, but it had probably to do with the schedules of some of the honour guests involved especially in the military honours procedure.

Of course there was alao some music involved, and so I was not unlikely to listen to the annoying sound of Megan's oboe more than just once today.

The members of the wedding orchestra were about to take seats.

My heart exploded when I took a brief look at the team. Megan was not the only member of the orchestra known to me, but the worst shock was the pianist: **Nevel Amadeus Papperman**! This was _a guy from Seattle that had caused me, Fredward, and Samantha quite a few troubles._ He had been one of the harshest criticians of my web show since its first months. Once he had tried to get the web site shut down.

Once upon a time, our web cast issued a game in our web show, promising a car for the winner. A relative of _one of Seattle__'__s greatest car vendors_, **Donald Flunken**,[37] had suggested this.

Nevel had won the game, and there was no car to give away, as it had all been a prank by the windy boy in order to find a reason to sue the web cast.

Spencer had finally given Nevel some sort of a new car.

Nevel had not believed it to be a car, and he had tried to ride it, but he was of course much topo young for that and unable to control the machine, driving it straight into a shop across the street.

Ever since, I had never heard again from Nevel, although I had got several dreams in which he tried again to get us blamed, but for no avail. He must have been hurt badly in the accident, but apparently not enough to die from it or even to have to give up on playing the piano.

And why, oh why, had dad chosen my archenemy Nevel as the pianist for his wedding ceremony? That made totally no sense.

The lead singer of the choir was only known by his nickname **Coconut Head**, which described very well what he looked like. He was a graduate from **James K. Polk High School** in Santa Clarita near Los Angeles.

One of the violinists was familiar to me. Her name was **Kelly Peckinpaw**, and she lived in San Diego, not far from Megan's home. But she had also been living in Seattle for half a year.[38]

I would have tried to chat a bit with her, but there was no time left, so maybe there would be a chance after the performance of the chorus?

The choir was conducted by some **Mr. Combover**, former music teacher at aforementioned James K. Polk.

The speaker of the **Pentagon**, our department for defense, was responsible for honouring my dad. After a horribly long and boring speech, he looked over at Combover, telling him to start the cere,onial music, which happened to be the _Triumphal March_ from **Giuseppe Verdi**'s great opera _Aida_.

**_"_**  
Vieni o guerrier, vieni a gioir,  
a gioir con noi, o guerrier,  
Vieni o guerrier, vieni a gioir con noi,  
Vieni, vieni, vieni, o guerrier,  
Vieni a gioir con noi,  
Sul passo degli eroi  
i lauri e i fior versiam.  
Vieni o guerriero,  
Vieni a gioir con noi;  
Sul passo degli eroi  
i lauri, i fior versiam.  
**_"_**

That sounded pretty much Italian … then again, I was somewhat accustoned to it by now.

Zoey had gone through the whole song with me just two days earlier, and this allowed me to remember vaguely what tyhe above verses were actually about. It appeared to be something on the lines of _come, oh warrior! Come and rejoice with us! Let's shed flowers and laurel while the heroes pass by!_

After all, this song made a lot of sense upon an event like this one.

My nervosity increased, as I did not really care about the honours ceremony which I spent somewhere in the foyer of the palace, but I was awaiting the start of the wedding stuff.

* * *

**3.2.3 Faithful And True**

The miltary honours were finally over, and it was time to move on to the propper wedding stuff.

My nervosity had grown into the next millennium while attending the awarding ceremony.

We, the attendents, were rigged and ready for accompanying the big march of my dad and his bride.

Finally, the sweetest music was about to fill the air — too bad that Megan and Nevel were responsible for producing it. It was the _Bridal Chorus_ from the opera _Lohengrien_ by some **Richard Wagner**.

Coconut Head sang:

**_"_**  
Faithful and True  
We lead ye forth  
Where love triumphant shall crown ye with joy!  
**_"_**

We were drifting steadily to the altar, where Father MacCurdy was already waiting for us.

**_"_**  
Star of renown  
Flower of the earth  
Blessed be ye both far from all life's annoy!  
**_"_**

Yikes, that sounded totally oldfashioned. "Hey, who would talk like this today?"

But maybe it was all Spencer's fault, because he had only taught me hobo lingo — or so would Monique probably claim.

Seeing MacCurdy, "the world's fattest priest", come closer and closer reminded me of Samantha's plan. I asked myself, "she did not get stuck, did she? No, she must show up any moment, no later than at the wedding banquet."

The song went on.

**_"_**  
Champion victorious, go thou before!  
Maid, bright and glorious, go thou before!  
**_"_**

We were getting closer and closer to MacCurdy, and there were still no signs of Saman tha Puckett.

By the way, I knew non of the other attendents besides Colonel Robinson, the father of my childhood friend Missy. But I could not care any less.

Aforementioned Dana Cruz was one of the other bridal maids. She was apparently known to Zoey, as I had figured casually upon having accidentally mentioned her name in teh blond Mary Sue's presence.

But, as many people here used to do with respect to many things, Zoey was by no means willing to talk about Dana.

The chorus was coming to an end, giving way to the wedding interrogation, or whatever it was called. "Do you, foo, want to take the present bar for your lawfully wedded somthing, and stuff, and so on and so on and so on, until the aliens come and blow up this planet or who kno what …"

I remembered one of my dreams involving a wedding ceremony.[39]

**_"_**  
Our webcast was present at the wedding of one of our viewers.

That was a guy in Wisconisn, a really boring state, worse than Yakima.

Why did all the adults still watching web shows for tweens have to be so ugly and weird?

The wedding ceremony took a bad turn, as the bride preferred evidently Spencer over her fiancé, and she was no longer willing to continue the ongoing nuptial procedure.

It was once more up to me patching the whole troublesome mess.

I had to sing a song that the groom was supposed to sing to his fianc'e, something he had never found the courage to.

And this actually fixed the problem.  
**_"_**

OK, I hated that dream, for I hated adults having troubles with expressing their feelings and needing us teenage kids to repair the trail of chaos and confusion they habitually left behind. I had to wonder whether this wedding was also going to end up in such a horrible mess, forcing me to do something. But this time, I swore, I dwould not do anything in order to patch a planned marriage that I had never really approved of in the first place, right? In absolutely no case would I sing a song in order make up for the mess, as I had done in aforementioned nightmare.

And now MacCurdy asked the standard question at the audience, stuff like whethere there was anyone objecting to the wedding. That hypothetrical person was required to speak up now, or to shut up until hell would freeze over, or something similarly stupid.

Usually nothing happened in moments like this one, leaving the couple and the audience in a state of silence and increasing nervious tension lasting for several seconds.

But what was that? Bang!

Samantha Puckett showed up right behind MacCurdy, followed by Spencer, Fredward, and Gibby.

At least the latter was not shirtless. Wait … this was easy to change, and, indeed, Gibby ripped his top into pieces.

That was of course the most embarrassing thing that could happen at a wedding like this one.

Sam objected to the wedding, in the sense of MacCurdy's question.

The paparazzi and other mean journalists started getting busy taking pictures of my friend and her actions.

Security guards flooded the court of the Palazzo Medici, and within a few minutes, the whole place was filled with panic.

* * *

**3.3 Recovering From Chaos**

* * *

**3.3.1 Paparazzi Alert**

Three hours had gone by since the intervention of Samantha.

The rude blonde had been arrested and dragged away by the security guards in order to get interrogated severely.

Now it would have been really better if Spencer had not dropped out of law school, allowing him to take care officially of Sam's difficult situation.

By the way, before intervening and interrupting the ceremony, Samantha had probably also taken care of the buffet, at least most it was almost gone even before her rabid intervention.

This fact was seen from pictures taken by certain journalists and now broadcast on all Italian and many international channels.

Star paparazzo **Jessica Warner** from _Backstage Hollywood_[40] made a few absolutely absurd and tasteless comments about Samantha being my dad's ex-girlfriend. Her colleague **Jeremiah Trottman**, _a young and apparently way overmotivated reporter_, made many stupid remarks that annoyed me even more.

Someone should have thrown a bomb at those paparazzi!

I sighed deeply, because I think that my best friend had gone totally out of her way in order to 'help' me … if this action was even to be deemed helpful. I was now alone in my room, only able to watch pictures on the television set about the incident at dad's wedding. It was impossible for me to get to Spencer, Fredward, and Gibby, let alone to Sam. They did not yet have Italian phone cards, and they were probably stuck in impossible situations.

Chaos was ruling impartially.

Dad and Monique had probably been brought to some extremely safe and secret place, and it was impossible for me to even think about reaching it.

Their wedding ceremony was maybe even continued and completed in the absence of any publicity whatsoever, in order to leave no opportunity for potential troublemakers like Samantha Puckett.

* * *

**3.3.2 Dystopia**

When I had met Nevel for the first time, it was in order to ask him for a good reference for my web show on his web site, _Nevelocity_.

Alas, he had started acting weird, kissing me without my consent, and all that stuff. Then he had cursed me, telling me to rue the day, until the times of **dystopia**, something that turned out as an expression for _utopia with apocalyptic trends_.[41]

So, that was my reason for hating the creep.

Somehow, I was now about to rue the day, not necessarily because Nevel had been here at the wedding ceremony of my dad without warning, given that he had not even taken note of me — or so I believed.

But since the start of the wedding preparations, chaos and disaster had taken over my life here in Florence, culminating with Samantha's scandalous intervention at the wedding party,

And now I was waiting here for more reliable news about what was really going on. For me, that **was** dystopia, and I was about to rue the day, albeit it was not clear for me what day I was talking about. I supposed at least no closer connection between having turned down Nevel Papperman once upon a time and my awry life at Florence right now. Rather, I was likely to curse the times in which I had started missing dad, and whishing to be able to live with him again, or at least to come home more often for visits as he actually did.

But in this moment, when I was waiting nervously in the foyer of our residence, things appeared to change.

All of a sudden, my mean cousin Megan Parker rushed in, followed by no other than my archenemy Nevel Papperman.

How did they get past the security guards? They were guarding the house quite fiercely right now — or so at least I supposed.

But, hey, Megan had simply abused our similarity shamelessly into confusding the guards.

Nevel grinned. "I told you, Carly Shay, you would rue the day. Do you rue it? Oh, I see that you rue it."

I sighed deeply. I should have called the security guards, but then they would possibly have believed Megan instead of me, and it would just have caused quite a few more troubles altogether.

It was still not obvious for me why Nevel was accompanying my cousin.

I asked Megan, do you really know who **that** is?

Megan nodded solemnly. "Sure, Nevel Amadeus Papperman, one of the greatest solo pianists of the next decade, right sweetie?" She kissed his temples carefully, making him purr.

I was about to go sick. "_Et tu, Megan!_"

These lines were similar to the words of aforementioned Julius Cæsar when he got stabbed to death in the Roman senate by his treacherous kinsman Brutus and his henchmen — or so said good old **Shakespeare** in his fabulous play _Julius Caesar_.

I had to double over and loose my breakfast on the carpet.

Nevel grunted, "egad! Germs! Those are icky! Where are the detergents?"

Megan guessed, "in the … janitor's closet?" She shrugged helplessly while looking around.

Nevel hustlebustled around and actually found a small room with detergents. Little laterm he was back in order to clean the mess.

Megan explained, "boob germs are even worse, I tell you!" She used to call Drake and Josh her **boobs**, because they were utterly embarrassing and worthless — or so she claimed.

While Nevel was cleaning the mess, Megan explained that she had heard a l;ot about Nevel from other concert musicians, but she had never met him before this morning.

It was so horrible to see how fast Megan and Nevel had found together.

Megan growled, "are you jealous?" Her voice was slightly sarcastic. She smooched my archenemy once more.

I gasped. "What? How do you think that?"

Nevel growled, "Carly Shay, you had your chamnce, two and a half years ago, and you blew it badly. I told you to rue it!"

I sighed deeply, because I was not jealous at all. few minutes earlier I had imagined the possibility that Nevel was only using my cousin because of our similarity, but this was by absolutely no means the case.

Nevel sighed. "OK, we may go again, unless you want to find out where your 'friends' are stuck."

Megan grabbed him, and she was already on the way out.

I grunted, "Wait, you know where …"

Megan turned around, replying, "OK, there is a hint."

Nevel continued, "Zoey has told us a few things. But she has not reached you on your mobile phone by now."

I coughed. "Zoey was not even at the wedding, how may she be better informed? And, pray tell, why does she talk to you? You have never met her before, have you?"

Nevel gasped. "Actually …" He noticed how Megan glared at him. "er … it doesn't matter. Many girls call me all the time. That's my Papperman charm!" He grinned proudly.

Megan sighed for relief and nodded vehemently. "Yeah, the unique Papperman charm!"

It was so totally obvious that they tried to hide something somehow, and they had just made up the 'Papperman charm'.

But I did not figure what kind of secret they were about to hide, it was certainly nothing that would have made me happy, so I decided to refrain from asking again. But I would have to figure that secret, sooner or later.

OK, so I was now simply supposed to call Zoey Brooks.

Now, it was not quite as simple, after all, as she was somehow stuck somewhere in the city, and all this was caused by nothing but Samantha's appearance.

Megan and Nevel were about to go, but they told me to contact them when necessary. But were they actually trying to help me?

I was not really able to believe in this option, but nothing was worse than waiting here and doing nothing, so why not give it a try.

* * *

**3.3.3 The Search Is On**

I had to try several times in order to be able to contact Zoey Brooks, who was stuck in the American general consulate in Florence, just like many other Americans, regardless of whether they had come here to Florence just for the purpose of the wedding ceremony, or whether they had already been present for some time.

It was not easy to get through to her.

She was trying to help others stuck in Italy after the troublesome events at dad's wedding. In that position, it was easier for the blond Mary Sue to get at informations about what was realy going on here.

I wanted to ask her why she knew Megan and Nevel, but there were more important things right now to do for all of us.

Zoey explained that Spencer, Fredward, and Samantha were probably in need of a lawyer, but it was hard to find someone able to take over that hopeless case.

An afro-american girl merged from the backgrounds. "**Claire Sawyer**, _future lawyer!_"

I gasped. "We can't wait until you have graduated from law school." I panted. "This is not that easy, anyways, and I know it, as my brother has dropped out from there after only three days!"

It turned out that Claire was not even there, she had just graduated from highschool, more precisely: aforementioned James K. Polk in Santa Clarita near Los Angeles. In other words that there was still a long way for her to go, like six years or so, until she would qualify as a lawyer.

And I was by no means willing to wait for over half a decade, letting Sam, Freddie, and Spencer rot in their inquisition cells.

Zoey had showed me some pictures of medieval European dungeons, and that was not a place I wanted my friends to be stuck in. I yelled, "if only my grandpa, the shark of Yakima, was here!"

Claire grinned. "OK, I need a telefacsimile from your grandpa, making me his assistant, and then I may already start doing stuff here on his behalf."

Was it really that easy?

And why should my grandpa trust a girl that just claimed to be a 'future lawyer' of some sorts?

But, just as before, there was no other way to find out than trying, while not trying and just sitting around would not have made me feel any better..

* * *

**3.4 Finding Lost Friends**

* * *

**3.4.1 Flaming Hands**

Indeed, Claire had obtained a license to kill, oops, to investigate on grandpa's behalf. She had not been really unbeknownst to the shark of Yakima. She had passed her Law School admission test already at the age of eight with full score, and this had alerted many experienced sharks.

At the same time, I was able to find traces of Spencer, and I followed them to the little wayside inn where he was stationed, along with Sam and Freddie who were still not released.

My poor old brother had already been desperate while looking for me. He had been released from prison after **Colonel Roger Morgan**,[42]_one of dad__'__s most important collaborators_, had payed some fee for his release.

But there was another reason why he had been released from his situation.

"I had set my hands on fire, and they were afraid of me setting other things ablaze, too." Spencer shrugged. "Why would I ever do that?"

I sighed deeply. "Honestly, I don't know why, and don't even care, but I know that you do."

Spencer looked surprised. "Really? Well, I had to wash my hands, and there were two labels, an 'F' and a 'C'. I figured that _C_ stood for _cold_, and then …"

Oh yeah, I was still familiar with taht problem, and I had literally burned my fingers in a similar situation, but I had noit caused any flames to shoot forth from my hands.

Spencer continued, "Roger Morgan told the officer that I was a harmless fool who would not be able to figure a way to flee from justice. Can you believe it?"

I scratched my head. "Oh, it makes sense."

Spencer glared at me slightly infuriated, "Carly, you should not have said so! When we are back in Seattle, you will be grounded until …"

I replied, "oh, remember, I am now living here in Florence in Italy, I will not return to Seattle with you!"

Spencer coughed and looked really dumb.

* * *

**3.4.2 Spencer In Our Residence**

In any case, I Spencer had come with me into my new residence where he was not welcome, but, fortunately, dad and Monique had gone underground for a few days.

Well, I was not sure when they would be back exactly.

But it was until then that Spencer would stay with me.

I still hoped that dad would allow him to stay a bit longer, even after his return, but there was no way around assuming that dad was informed about the fact that Spencer had been cooperating once more with Samantha, the main culprit of the whole mess into which his own wedding had just turned.

And as Monique and dad had been strictly opposed to inviting my embarrassin brother to their wedding, they were now even less inclined towards hosting him until everything was over.

So, now I wanted to know how Sam had achieved sneaking him the three of them past the heavily guarded security lines into the Palazzo of the Medici.

Spencer shrugged. "I have not understood that at all. Maybe it had involved a buttersock and some more stuff." He shrugged carelessly.

Apparently I would have to ask Sam, but until that point, I would have to find her.

Spencer sighed. "I do not really know, Freddie and Sam had been separated from me pretty erly, as they are minors."

I nodded. "OK, that should make some sense. But have you got any idea where they had been brought to? Not even the consulate seems able to tell me, or they just don't want to, or aren't allowed to do so because I am not Freddie's or Sam's mom."

Spencer's eyes bugged out. "Fredward did not even tell his mom about the whole trip, for she would never have allowed hom to come with us. It will certainly break her heart knowing what is happening to Freddie."

I sighed, because this was typical for **Marissa Benson**, the mother of Fredward. I wondered what would happen once she found out.

Sam's mom, on the other hand, would hardly care about anything happening to her daughter.

But this fact was not helpful for finding both of them.

Maybe Claire Sawyer had found out something about it? With a license from grandpa, she was able to take a look at certain documents and protocols that were offering hints and so on.

* * *

**3.4.3 Leaving Spencer Behind**

And indeed, Claire had figured a place where Sam and Freddie had been brought to by the security team.

Just like all little American buggers found here in the streets without legal papers, they got deported to Monteriggione and its military academy guided by no other than my 'beloved' step mother Monique Chaumont, or — probably by now — Monique Shay.

Trying to pronounce this name, even if only in my head, made me feel like having to vomit again.

But this time, Nevel Papperman was not around and ready to wipe everything clean because of his fear of germs.

I needed to find a way to make it to the campus of the military school.

Spencer did not have his car with him, and there was no car around he was comfortable driving. In addition, his drivers's license had recently been withdrawn by **Officer Carl**.[43] alias _one of the meanest cops of Seattle_.

That poor excuse of a cop had punished Spencer because my bro had once accidentally caused one of the greatest mass accidents in downtown Seattle.

Spencer did not want to come with me, anyways. While crossing the downtown of Los Angeles, he had found some artistic inspiration, and he was now hell bent on creating a few new sculptures, right here in dad's estate.

Thus it was necessary for me to find another way to make it to Monteriggione. I hated the fact that it was a military school, but I had to see Freddie and Sam again.

There were not many people I knew to ask from the top of my head. But I tried my luck by picking up my cellular phone in order to call Zoey Brooks, hoping that she had got some kind of sort of a car able to cross the Tuscany and make it to Monteriggione.

Spencer started talking about the great time of art in Florence, especially about Leonardo da Vinci. He had heard about him already before the afforementioned violent video game, but now he was totally obsessed with him, and he wanted to prove Florence that he was worthy of its heritage as the cradle of modern art.

Unfortunately, I did not exactly expect dad and Monique to praise his activities as a sculptor.

I remembered the encounder with that psychopathic guy claiming to be Steven Shay Junior, and I would have wanted to talk about this to Spencer, but I had to hurry in order to find Freddie and Sam before it was too late.

In addition, my brother was hardly likelly to listen to me, anyways. Everything in his head was the creation od a new sculpture, one that would have the potential to make it straight into the Uffizi. Spencer was not even worried about the possibility of dad and Monique returning from their hideout any moment amnd discover him staright in their apartment. This would inevitably result in wreaking havok.

* * *

**Chapter 4 Confusion**

* * *

**4.1 Monteriggione**

* * *

**4.1.1 The Story Of Dana Cruz**

Zoey halted her craft right in front of the gates of the military academy of Monteriggioni.

This place did not really look as it did in Spencer's videogame, but more like … well … a military school?

Well, it was the military school administrated by my step mom Monique.

Zoey told me: "I am going to wait here in the car for your return. The guards here will recognise you as the daughter of Commander Shay, so you won't get into troubles." She sighed. "I hope it does not take you too long. I want to go to cinema tonight."

I moaned. "Oh, how nice for you. I guess yiou go with your boyfriend, and then you will have a nice dinner somewhere in an osteria or a trattoria, and … and then …" My voice was growing increasingly sarcastic.

Zoey sighed deeply. "Which boyfriend?" She sobbed.

"Sorry!" I had not wanted to go out of my way, and I really needed to hurry up.

Coach Dana Cruz had already awaited me at the entrance. "Oh, nice to see you again." She grinned somewhat sarcastically. Are you a friend of Zoey Brooks?" She had spotted her in the car. Her voice was not exactly pleased.

I shook my head. "Not really. Dad just hired her to teach me Italian. Why? Would it be a bad thing?"

Dana looked at me with empty eyes. "Zoey Brooks has ruined my life and got me sent to this school as a student, like … five years ago."

I coughed. "What a nice girl 'textellipsis" I did not know whether I was serious or not, nor teven whether my statement was meant to besrious or not.

Dana expolained:

**_"_**  
I was at Pacific Coast Academy with Zoey Brooks for one year only.

Zoey and I were room pals, together with some hysterical bimbo wench from Kansas called **Nicole Bristow**.

This happened to be the first year in which girls were allowed to this former boys-only school.

Zoey's little brother Dustin was also here, and he had been so for three tyears already. It was a really annoying little shitter. He claimed to be so independent and grown up, not needing her help,[44] but then he ran to his sister whenever he was sick.[45]

I was disgusted by his demeanour and yelled at him when he was looking for her because of a flu.

Zoey never forgave me that attitude, and she arranged myy expulsion from Pacific Coast Academy, behind the backs of all of our 'friends'.

First, I was sent to Monique Chaumont's school near Paris, similar like this one, just more … French. Then I had to follow Mrs. Chaumont when she was delegated to Italy.

OK, they made me now a coach for the kids here.

But I would rather be a cheerleader or a professional football player, or a supermodel.

I hate Zoey Brooks, but even more Nicole Bristow!  
**_"_**

The reckless tomboy grunted violently, like a huge fiery dragon blowing billowing stream through its nostrils.

OK, this story confirmed once more how overprotective Zoey Brooks was indeed, by getting everyone deported who dared to come too close to Dher baby brother, who was probably no longer a baby at all, but still a baby in the eyes of the blond Mary Sue.

What Dana had done to the little bugger was certainly no good at all, but maybe she hsould have found a better way of protecting him instead of going out of her way and get everyone in her way expelled and deported.

But now I was already excited because I was going to meet Samantha and Fredward again. Boys and girls had been strictly separated, though, and so I had to decide whom to see first. I chose Sam, as she was possibly not uunlikely to wreak some havoc in the case that I should not see her early enough.

* * *

**4.1.2 A New Home For Samantha**

I was led into a cell for new kids, where I found finally Samantha Puckwett.

My best friend — forever — growled at her guards. "I won't tell you anything without my lawyer! Where is Spencer?"

I panted heavily. "Sam! Spencer is doing well, at but he is already busy sculpting."

Sam looked at me. Her face was already a bit distorted from her days — albeit just one or two — here at Monteriggione. "Carly!"

I hugged my friend. "Oh Sam!"

She complained. "Momma wants her fatcakes!"

I coughed. "Sorry, I had not thought of that. Haven't you looted the wedding supplies made by Pierre Le Mange, including the Dutch fatcakes?"

Sam nodded. "Sure thing, and tell you what" Dutch fatcakes are the best of all!" She belched like a roaring vulcano.

I had to stuff my ears and my nose in order to be able to bear the situation. "OK, Sam, my grandpa has hired an intern, a certain Claire Sawyer, to take care of your situation on his behalf. He will also tell your relatives …"

Sam shrugged. "Mom will not care about me!"

I continued. "Claire and gramps are not only about to get your mom informed, but also your monozygotic twin sister, Melanie."

Sam growled, "Melanie What?" She jumped at me and pushed me against the crude stone wall of her cell. "Anyone, but not Melanie! Why did you not inform **Uncle Carmine**[46] or maybe **Aunt Maggie**?[47]

I reeled and groaned: "Melanie is your twin sister. She will certainly try to help you out of here."

Sam roared: "Oh, you think so? And deep fried chicken wings can fly?"

I choked, but I was still not released from my friend's brutal grip.

Sam continued: "And why, pray tell, did you drag Zoey Brooks to Monteriggione, why of all people her, my worst archenemy … ever?"

I wondered: "How do you know that Zoey has transported me hereto, from Florence?"

Sam rexplained: "Hey, the walls here have got ears, the streets have got ears, this damn' everything and everywhere has got ears." She glared at me. "Many kids here have been deported upon the command of Zoey Brooks, your nice blond Mary Sue."

I sighed. "Like your coach Cruz?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, Dana … terrible story … but there are supposed to be even a lot more boys expelled from Melanie's school because of Zoey's intervention." She shrugged. "I do not really know what is going on in the boys's camp."

I nodded. "Wait! You said that many got expelled for bullying Dustin … did you bully him as well? Is that the reason why you got returned from there after only two weeks, and why you hate Zoey Brooks so much?"

Sam sighed. "It has to do with that bugger Dustin, but I have not bullied him."

I gasped. "So you are innocent, once upon a time at least?"

She moaned, "I have come too close to him, but not as a bully, more as in … making out and stuff, you know …."

I gasped again. "Dustin is your ex-boyfriend?"

Sam shrugged. "That's stretching it, but Zoey is so protective, she did everything to tear us apart again. Well, I switched to a guy named **Chase Matthews**, a bushy dweep with a crush on the Brooks wench. That was funny!"

I was still a bit confused. "Wait! Last year, you told me that you have never kissed a boy before."[48]

Sam grinned viciously. "It was a lie, of course! Ypu know that I am the greatest liar of Washington!"[49]

I sighed deeply. "Oh yeah, I should have expected you to lie … business as usual. But, OK, Claire Sawyer will get you out of here soon."

Sam grunted. "Don't you get it? I don't want to get away from here!"

I glared aghast at my friend.

She continued, "If I got released, I would be brought back to the United States Of America. And then we would be separated again by an ocean. Buyt here I am at least close enough for a weekend visit!" She looked at me.

I choked hard. "Do you want to say that you want to stay in this hole, just in order to be closer to me?"

Sam grinned. "Yeah, of course! I had got a terrible nightmare about having to share an apartment with some perversely unbearable bimbo wench from California, a certain **Caítlin Valentine**.[50] That was worse than two lives straight in military prison."

Oh, I knew Cat Valentine, a red haired airhead from Los Angeles. She was one of our dumbest viewers, occsionaly asking really stupid questions that costed Fredward gazillions of nerves, along with her gothic friend, **Jade West**, who was often talking about the impending end of the world around Christmas 2012.

Sam was certainly better off without those creeps, and it was somewhat understandable that she did not want to live with those kinds of girl.

I had really once dreamed about visiting them in Los Angeles, because their friend, **Victoria Vega**, had stolen my boyfriend, **Stephen Carson**. That was one mess of a dream.[51]

There were several 'boyfriends' in my dreams, usually boys that had once or several times commented on our web pages. The worst of them were a certain **Griffin**,[52] who was sort of a kleptomaniac with an obsession for plush figures, followed straight by heartbreaker Stephen.

Fortunately, none of those boys was that bad in real life, although I would not have wanted to be their girfriend anyways.

I had already been sickened by Fredward's cute yet totally perverted attempts of hitting on me for several years straight. In additition, I had already been heart broken by one **Jake Crendle**.[53] Even worse, I had driven one of my crushes insane, causing him to drop through a elevator hole:

Fredward's geeky pal **Shane Diamond**[54] had been torn between me and Sam who fought over him with fire and sword.

In my dreams, I even got one of my crushes killed, a certain **Adam Baldwin**.[55]

But all this reminded me to move on and visit Fredward.

I waved once more at Sam, telling her to come to visit her again as soon as only possible, and to refrain from getting her to return to Seattle.

* * *

**4.1.3 Fredward's Awkward Situation**

Freddie looked really horrified in his cell.

But life in here bothered him more than having lied to his mother before going to this trip.

Now she was going to look for him, and this was by no means going to be any good. Marissa Benson was unlikely to forgive her son to have snuck out with Samantha just in order to visit me here in the Tuscany.

Alas, Freddie was complaining that some of the guys here were not really unknown to him.

**_"_**  
Do you remember **Chuck Chambers**?

I mean _the mean little critter who has terrorrised Spencer over and over again since last year_?

Well, that is one of the guys in here.

And then there is **Ripoff Rodney**.[56] That creep shortchanged me many a time.

The worst of the guys is one **William Boots**.[57]

Even Sam could never stand this one, and that means a lot.

**_"_**

I shuddered for disgust, because I would have wished to never hear about those creeps again.

Samanatha Pucket was certainly able to handle them appropriately with her fantabulous buttersocks. She had talked Fredward into this trip, promising him that he would get to make out with me more often wonce here uin the Tuscany, no matter what.

But Freddie neede to get home again as soon as possible, even if this implied Marissa Benson's less than pleasant interaction. Now he wanted a kiss before my new departure.

But I denied this. "Hey! Don't stretch it!"

Fredward moaned for excessive disappointment. But before letting me go, he told me about something weird.

**_"_**  
Some guys here, and already over at the embassy, called me 'majesty' or 'Dom Gabriel'.[58]

What is going on?

**_"_**

I shrugged. "I don't have any glue, honest!"

Now it was time for me to leave again.

Fredward started wworking out. "Dana, our gym teacher, is hot. Maybe this will impress her …"

I shook my head, knowing well that Freddie was just trying to make me jealous, and that he would not really get anywhere with Coach Cruz.

* * *

**4.1.4 Back To Florence**

Zoey was ready to take me back to my home in the city of culture.

I sat dow in her car, but not without a creepy feeling.

Zoey wondered what was going on.

I gasped. "Honestly?" I sighed deeply. "I am scared … by you!" I trembled while admitting to this.

The blond Mary Sue looked at me.

I told her about my conversations with Dana and Samantha. "Will you also get rid of me? Maybe somewhere into the desert of Yerba?"

Zoey looked agahst. "Yerba? There is almost only jungle over there. No, I have prommised your dad to take you safely back to your home, and I am going to do that now. So would you please fasten your safety belt?"

I moaned softly and obeyed to her command.

Zoey continued, "Dana and Samantha are plain evil. They do not have a good influence on kids, period, especially on Dustin. So I had to get rid of them, exactly as of **Daniel James**[59] and **Keith Finch**,[60] two guys you probably know from Seattle, using different names."

I knew those guys indeed. Douglas Toader alias Daniel James and his friend Cleeshay alias Keith Finch had been members of a fencing team in Seattle that had once tried to humiliate Fredward and Spencer.

Zoey started the car. "I do not want to get rid of you, it is all abouyt protecting you from people like Dana, Samantha, or Fredward."

That sounded weird. "You want to protect me from my friends?"

Zoey grinned. "Oh, I know that you call Freddie and Samantha _your friends_, but they are your ruin, homestly. I have convinced your dad to see it like this and to get you to move to Italy in order to escape from them." Well, the blond Mary Sue was probably not aware of the fact that Sam was not up to returning to Seattle at all, but to stay here in Italy, as close as possible, even if that meant staying in a prison school.

But I was not about to tell Zoey about Samantha's decision. Rather, I wondered, "why do you dare to care about who or what has got a bad influence on me?"

Zoey growled, "hey, I have got that little baby brother, Dustin, and I know what is good for him. Girls like Samantha alias Trisha Kirby is not, has never been, and will never be!"

I was not trying to tell Zoey that Samantha was not that bad, and that she did not need to protext allboys and girls from her. Such an enterprise would have been — at least in my eyes — futile.

But it was really strange because Samantha had been at Pacific Coast Academy only for a few weeks, and that was already four years ago.

"You have not even heard about Sam ever since, as you have never been a regular viewer of our web show." I grunted noisily.

Zoey nodded. "Yeah, but others have done their research."

I shrugged. "Such as?"

Zoey reveiled the name of her informers. "Melissa Robinson, Nevel Papperman, Megan Parker, …"

I coughed over and over again when hearing those names, concluding:

**_"_**  
So, there is a conspiration of those people …

Nevel, Megan, Zoey, and Missy have been working together in order to convince dad and Monique that I was better off far away from Spencer, Fredward, and Samantha.

Probably, Nevel and Missy have instigated the whole mess, for there was little reason for Zoey to protect just me from Sam.

But it will be hard to persuade dad.  
**_"_**

* * *

**4.2 Modern Renaissance Arts**

Finally, we returned to my residence in Florence.

Spencer had already been waiting for me, and he was busily working on his statue.

Fortunately, Zoey was bound for the cinema.

* * *

**4.3 Clearing Up**

* * *

**4.3.1 Looking For Trouble**

Zoey halted her craft right in front of our residence. She was known to and recognised by the gorillas guarding the estate, and she accompanied me to the door.

I was turning nervous, because Spencer was now better hiding well in pur residence.

Zoey was not supposed to see him and know about his presence, because she would inevitable go and tell dad and Monique about this, and this was the best way for making them wreak havoc.

I sighed. "OK — thanks, Zopey, now you better hurry up for your movie … what was it?"

Zoey grinned. "Oh, _The Deadly Scream_, a movie with my best friend, Lola Martinez."

I had already heard a lot about **Lola Martinez**, who was _a very ambitious young Hollywood actress of Puerto Rican origin_.

Her sister **Shelby Marx** was an even more renowned martial artist. I had once dreamed about fighting with her in some animal welfare event.[61]

Lola was also a friend of aforementioned Cítlin Valentine and Jade West.

I liked Lola's movies a lot, but I better stayed at home.

Unfortunately, Spencer was not really careful, and he opened the door for me.

My heart stood still in anticipation of the inevitable terror.

Zoey had definitely seen him, implying the impending end of all hopes.

* * *

**4.3.2 Spencer' Stubbornness**

Spencer proudly presented the start of the new sculpture he was working on. "Three dimensional arts is much more impressive than pictures and sketches. I had got the inspiration for this work when …"

Honestly, I did not want to know. I had to rebuke my brother and former guardian severely for being so careless.

Spencer growled: "Oh yeah, now I am 'careless'!" Basically, he had always been. "So probably you think that grandpa has always been right …"

I could not help thinking so, and I tried hard to come up with something in Spencer's defence. "Maybe?" I was about to stammer helplessly for several minutes. Then I told Spencer about everything that I had gone through during my trip to and from Monteriggione, as well as my presence over there, including the conversations with Sam, Freddie, Dana, and Zoey. "After all, this means that dad will soon know about your presence here, and he will do very bad things!"

Spencer was still not willing to believe me. "And then the aliens came and tried to abduct you, but they had forgotten to fill their flying saucers with zingleberry blix and needed to return to the next blix station."

**Blix** was _one of the most popular soft drink vendors of the Pacific Coast_.

"You did not want to believe me that dad was planning his wedding behind your back, and without inviting you." I panted heavily. "And now you see that he did. How long are you going to refuse to believe that you, the black sheep of our family, are not wanted here, in our own dad's house, or in his world?"

Spencer growled. "oh, now I understand, you have always wanted dad to disown me, so you may have everything for yourself, one day … and now you try to feign innocence and understanding for my situation. But maybe dad does …"

Aparently, trying to talk any sense into him just did not work.

OK, I was not able to make Spencer see what was going on. Maybe, and even that was only a vague hope, 'Socko' alias Joshuah Nichols was able to help out.

Besides his sculpture, Spencer also thought about the movie. "Lola Martinez is so godawfully hot." He rhapsodised like a frenzied fury.

Freddie would also have turned crazy if he had known about that movie, because he had been crazy for Lola, at least from time to time.

Needless to say, talking about Crazy Steve was now impossible.

* * *

**4.3.3 The Sculpture**

Morning had broken after a night without sleep.

Suddenly, Zoey Brooks stood in front of our residence.

I was not up to learning any Italian, nor did I want to hear her commands she had probably heard from Monique. But I opened the gate for her, anyways. "So, allowed you to expel Spencer from here right now. Are ypou now happy?" My voice sounded excessively sarcastic.

Zoey shook her head. "I haven't told him about it. But after the movie, I had called Lola, and she is has got an extra DVD of her greatest bloops and stuff. As your brother is a big fan of her, …"

Spencer looked aghast. "Yeah, that would be super cool!"

I shook my head. "Guys …"

Spencer replied, "and who gets his nose squeesed flat whenever Justin Biber walks onb the other side of a window?"

I coughed. "Er … maybe …"

Zoey spotted one of the imcomplete sculptures. "Hey, this one looks great! What is it?"

Spencer explained: "It is either a big bunny made of many little bunnies, or the abstract representation of the sentimental void in this society."

I did not understand much, except … "bunnies are cute!"

Zoey walked up to the sculptures. "It looks great, I think da Vinci would be proud of you."

I wondered: "Isn't that one of the dead artists that have once lived here?" Spencer growled: "The greatest! And great artists never die, they keep on living in their works!"

Zoey nodded solemnly. "Indeed! Since my arrival in Florence, I have always had the feeling that they are still among us."

They disputed lively various styles of arts, comparing Spencer's works to those of the ancient masters.

For me, this went too far. "Artist talk!"

I once had got a dream that about going to arts classes, as Spencer was not a really patient teacher. Spencer and the teacher disputed art styles, but in the end, they started making out. Did I see something similar going on between Spencer and Zoey?

Zoey panted hevily. "OK, there are other news, and those are not pleasant. Marissa Benson, the mother of Fredward, has been arrested at the airport."

Spencer and I looked aghast. "What?"

Zoey explained that Claire Sawyer was already trying to take care of this, and especially to figure why the lady had been arrsted like a mean criminal.

I could already imagine all sorts of speeches I would have to listen to upon being unfortunate enough to encounter Fredward's mother again.

Zoey was now rather busy admiring Spencer's sculpture, leavinmg me in a more desperate situation.

I wondered: "Why did she deem the statue in progress more important than the arrest of Fredward's mother?" I was ready to go to town and look for Claire Sawyer. On my way , I would inform Josh Nichols about the insane situation here.

* * *

**4.3.4 The Prince Of Miranda**

Claire Sawyer was waiting for me in front of the aforementioned Uffizi. "Exciting news …"

I shrugged. "Come on, I need to hear it!"

Claire panted heavily. "Marissa Benson is not the mother of Fredward Benson, but the henchwoman and mistress of the evil Chancellor of Yerba."

I choked. "What? How? Where?"

Claire was out of breathed. "I have risked a lot querying these informations. I had to poke governmental spy **Royce Bingham**."[62]

My eyes bugged out.

I had never heard about Royce Bingham.

But according to Claire Sawyer, Royce was the one pulling the strings behind the military intervention of dad and other American military units in Yerba. He had been tracing the Chancellor all over the globe for fifteen years already.

Now Claire was ready to part with the most shocking news.

**_"_**  
Fredward Benson is really Prince Federigo Eduardo Of Miranda, the son of the ruler of that little state in South America.

The country was majorly involved in the illegal trade with foods like Peruvian peppers[63] and Bolivian ham.[64]

This was all the dirty business of the Chancellor.

Marissa Benson was the midwife of the young Queen Of Miranda.

When the king and his prime minister, the archvillain of Yerba, were fighting over details, the latter decided to punish the monarch by abducting one of the babies of the queen, with Marissa's willing help.

**_"_**

All these news were so shocking. It was even more annoying, although little surprising, to know that my step mom was one of the secret assistants of Royce Bingham. But I would only come to here the kind of her work as a secret governmental espionage agent a few months later.

I wondered, "and you found out about all of it during the last few hours?"

Claire shook her head. "That would have been impossible. I have already known about the dirty business of Miranda and Yerba, and I had heard about the similarity of Fredward and Prince Gabriel. But only now did I hear about the missing link: The connection between Marissa and the Chancellor."

I banged my head against one of the walls.

Claire said, "although I had figured a lot of the stuff, I want you to be the one to tell Freddie about the whole mess. You know him better and may handle the situation … maybe."

We concluded altogether that arresting Fredward was a trick in order to lure Marissa Benson out of the United States and get her arrested here on foreign territory, where she was wanted as a criminal against the human rights. Dad was probably also a leading member — or so I assumed. …

By the way, Bingham had got another important assistant, and that one I was even somewhat familiar with. Agent **Davide Alessandro Di Cristoforo**[65] had been researching undercover in Seattle, using the disguise as Mario, assistant of nowadays deceased star baker **Gallini**.

* * *

**4.3.5 Dismal Fredward**

Zoey brought me once again to Fredward. She also assured that she had nothing to do with that intrigue run by the Pentagon and the international court for crimes against humanity.

It was not easy telling Fredward.

He interrupted me on and off, telling me that I was nothing but a liar, bought by the CIA or whomever.

I was told to go, for Freddie was in an impossible state.

His situation was worse.

Marissa Benson was no longer his legally responsible adult, and thus unable to take him home to Seattle, whether she was convicted as a criminal against humanity, or released fbecause she had acted as a not really consenting marionette of the Chancellor.

I walked sadly away, forced to leave Freddie in his own misery, Otherwise I would have risked getting torn by him into pieces.

But I knew that Clairee Sawyer was working towards getting the embassy of Miranda involved, for Fredward was now legally a citizen of that country.

Alas, Italy did not really have an embassy of that state. There was one filthy honorary consule.

Fortunately, Claire had caused Royce Bingham to help us by intervening directly with the monarch.

* * *

**4.4 Socko Strikes**

* * *

**4.4.1 Drake And Josh In Italy**

Josh had reacted very fast upon receiving my emergency message, and he had immediately arranged a concert of Drake in Italy.

Unfortunately, the location of his performance was not Florence, but Rome.

This was not too much of a problem because of the very fast trains travelling between here and there, though.

Josh was going to visit me here, and then we would go together to Rome.

Currently, dad was still undercover. Fortunately, he had still trusted Zoey with the task of observing me, and that was good so, as she was not objecting to my trip to the concert at the **Cinecittà**, _ sort of a cheap Italian clone of Hollywood founded and used by the fascists as a medium of mass propaganda_.

We met Drake and Josh in front of the Uffizi.

Josh explained how he had been able to arrange the concert. It was a long and random seeming story.

Drake Parker was not alone. "OK, this is my fiancé: …"

Lola Martinez came along. "Hi!" She grinned into Spencer's direction, making his heart start missing the beats — every time! But then she handed him a DVD with her greatest bloops, just as announced.

Josh sighed deeply. "Really, it was the producer of Lola's next movie, **Malcolm Reese**, who has arranged the upcoming concert."

Lola smiled. "I am going to act in a movie about Renaissance time Italy, as da Vinci's model for the **Mona Lisa**."

The latter was a very important picture produced by aforementioned Leonardo Da Vinci.

Zoey sighed. "The greatest model back then was certainly **Simonetta Vespucci**."

Drake clamped his guitar and started singing:[66]

**_"_**  
Un' academia dell'arte …  
E mi ricordo  
Dei pensieri di un alunno  
Volando sopra l'Arno  
Senza mai tornare alla terra.  
Ero solo un discepolo  
Leonardo il mio maestro  
E tu eri la modella  
Ed io ti guardavo  
Come un bambino  
Che guarda il cielo  
Per la prima volta.  
**_"_**

Lola grinned when she felt Spencer's gaze in her back.

Zoey told me what Drake was singing about. "An academy of arts …I remember the thoughts of a pupil, floating above the Armo, never making it back to the ground. I was just a disciple, Leonardo was my master, and you were my model. And I looked at you, just as a chield looking at the sky for the very first time."

I giggled merrily.

The song went on and on.

**_"_**  
Il Leonardo  
M'ha ammonito:  
O figlio mio  
Tutto confuso sei.  
O figlio mio  
Continua' non potrai.

**_"_**

Zoey told me what he was talking about. "Leonardo admonished me: Your all confused, my son, and won't be able to continue."

Drake was finally finished. "As Lola would be a perfect model for a perfect sculpture, I allow you to use her."

Spence smiled. "Cool! I always wanted to create the perfect sculpture …or painting …whatever"

Drake continued, "but don't touch her …ever!"

Spencer sighed. "OK …I understand!"

Josh explained that the lyrics songs for Drake's trip across Europe had been written by Megan's friend **Adelaide Singer**.[67] The tunes, on the other hand, had been composed by **Wendy Gellar**,[68] a girl that once had an insane crush on Drake, and therefore turned down and ridiculed Dustin Brooks, hurting his feelings badly.

This one song had been chosen by aforementioned Malcolm Reese, currently Hollywood[s richest and most influential movie producer, as the theme song for his aforementioned movie, starring Lola Martinez.

But our trip had to go on now.

I wanted to ask Drake and Josh about Crazy Steve, especially whether we were really related, but the right time for this was not yet here.

It was better to wait until Spencer had calmed down from his rhapsody.

* * *

**4.4.2 Dock The Submarines**

OK, this was once more Rome, the eternal city, and the place where Drake Parker, my favourite cousin, was ready to earn his eternal fame here at Cinecittà.

We had made it to the place where Josh had reserved a few seats for us.

Finally, there was aforementioned Hollywood leader Malcolm Reese, but who was sitting next to him?

I cried: "Dad!"

He and Malcolm must have been friends for several years already.

Drake was announced by the speaker. He thanked teh organisers of the event.

Malcolm Reese ordered the start of the performance. He had not got all that much time, as he needed to start shooting a few important scenes right thereupon.

Drake was singing several songs, mostly written by the unbeatable team of Wendy Gellar and Adelaide Singer.

There was enough time left for one last song.[69]

**_"_**  
Mrs. Obama comes over here  
To say we're doing splenidly.  
But it's wet and cold  
Down in the sea  
Diving down from the enemy.  
We would say 'It's tough.'  
We have had enough.  
Let us dock the submarine!  
**_"_**

My dad looked all consternated when he heard his nephiew perform those lines of text, apparentlya protest song.

**_"_**  
Wish dad was at home for Christmas.  
Carly should be sobbing now  
At the shoulders of her dad.  
Carly sadly stays at home.  
She's been waiting five years long.  
Rattatattatamtam …  
**_"_**

Dad looked more and more nervous, and he tried to stop the performance.

But Malcolm Reese calmed him down. "Sadly, I have been no better during all the time and left my son Logan behind during all my trips to making movies here and there. And the result is devastating."

**Logan Reese**, _the spoiled son of Malcolm Reese_, was renowned as the worst coxcomb of California. But he was also so hot … bear with it!

Dad sighed deeply, because he had heard so many excessively bad things about Logan's excessively perverse son.

**_"_**  
If she makea this hell  
Come to live to tell  
Carly'll run for every presidency  
If she gets elected  
She will dock  
She will dock the submarines!  
**_"_**

Well, I had once had a dream about some lunatic guy whoi thought to be from the future predicting that I was a future US president.[70] But would I really have been able to make it up to there, and then to get such an important step approved?

Dad sighed deeply. "Have I done everything wrong …all those years?"

Drake and Josh nodded vigorously.

It was not yet obvious what dad was going to do now, though.

We also met Chase Matthews, aforementioned former friend of Zoey Brooks and nowadays screen writer for Malcolm Reese, especially for the impending movie about Renaissance time Italy.

This encounter was apparently quite awkward for Zoey, as I would come to know in detail, bu only later.

* * *

**Chapter 5 Finale**

At the première broadcast of Malcolm Reese's new movie, Spencer's sculpture of Lola Martinez was completed, and it was generally considered as the most perfect sculpture of a woman — ever!

Spencer felt like the newborn Leonardo Da Vinci, and his fiancé Zoey Brooks had organised a place for it in the Uffizi.

Dad forgave Spencer, but he sent him back to Seattle in order to let him start a career as a gallery assistant.

But only thereupon was I going to be informed about the secret of 'crazy' Steve.

Indeed, this psychopath was the elder monozygotic twin brother of Spencer, elder by seven minutes. Thus he was also my elder brother.

So, why had nobody ever told me about this psychopath?

Steven Shay Jr. had been taken away from our family even before our birth, by the parents of dad's first wife.

The parents of Steven Jr. and of Spencer have deemed dad's permanent absence responsible for the fact that Steve had gone insane already very early.

This had probably been one of the reasons for Adelaide Singer and Wendy Gellar to write _Dock The Submarines!_.

And who wanted to be related to some psychopath? Certainly not Spencer or Drake!

That's why Spencer had completely forgotten even about his twin brother … until his days in Florence.

By the way, Drake had known Crazy Steve long before he had come to know that they are related. Only upon their departure from Seattle had Drake and Josh been informed about this connection by **Helen Baxter**, the owner of a cinema where both Steven Jr. and Josh Nichols had been working for several years straight.

Spencer's life had changed dramatically since his return from Florence, and he started to suffer a lot. He had been feeling totally at home in the city in which he had not been welcomed by dad.

**Malika Ritter**,[71] a paranormally gifted graduyate from Ridgeway, decided to perform a reinarnation rememorisation on Spencer in order to check his past life experiences with the city of Florence, and she figured that Spencer must have lived there indeed like five hundred years ago, and not just as someone, but as the great Leonardo Da Vinci.

This explained his unique passion for weird arts.

Even if few people believed in reincarnation, Spencer earned his new title _The 3d Da Vinci_ pretty fast with his sculpture of Lola Martinez. More precisely, Harry Joiner was responsible for awarding Spencer with this title.

I stayed in Florence for the next three years.

My TV show for the kids of the US soldiers living in Europe was a plain success, although I missed Freddie and Sam very much. My experiences with television broadcasts prior to my life in Italy had not been really great, quite the contrary. I had really come to hate directors and arrogant producers.[72] But here it was a lot different.

Malcolm Reese was responsible for the production.

During the Christmas days, Zoey was visited by her multiply aforementioned younger brother Dustin.

I had not been up to stumbling into that family business, but I accidentally had lost something in Zoey's apartment, and I was trying to retrieve it from there. This way, I met Dustin for the first time.

Zoey's brother was by no means a baby or little boy any longer, regardless of her repeated , more than anything else, he had been a faithful viewer of my web show. When encountering me for the first time, he blushed a shade of flming crimson and almost passed out.

Zoey told me that Dustin had alwayd had a crush on me since the day when melanie had introduced the web show to the kids at Pacific Coast Academy for the first time, but that he had never really talked about it.

**_"_**  
See, Chase had a crush on me since my first days at Pacific Coast Academy.

I had not noticed anything, though, although we were hanging out a lot together, especially as members of a little gang that included his roomies Logan Reese and **Michael Barret**.

After the incident with Samantha Puckett, Chase had started trying to make me jealous.

First Lola Martinez tried to play his girlfriend.[73]

But as Lola and I were friends, this seemed to have not been a good idea.

Then Lola and Chase hired her sister **Trinidad Rebecca Vega y Martinez**[74] in order to make me jealous.

This resulted in some ugly mess, but we seemed to be over it at some time.

However, I did not notice that Rebecca had been nothing but a fake, although it was so obvious that an arrogant busty Latina like her would never like a white dweeb like Chase, and that she must have been bribed or hired in some way.

A year later, Chase finally broke down and admitted his crush on me.

It was hard for me to realise that I had not seen the obvious for three years straight.

At first glance, everything seemed aperfect between me and Chase.

But then **Wayne Gilbert** alias **Fire Wire**, an annoying nerd, reveiled that it had been nothing but a dirty deal between Chase and Rebecca.

This knowledge made it impossible for me to continue a relationship with the bushy dork.

Now I don't want Dustin to go to the same thing. That's why I netter spoil the whole srprise now, although I had tried hard for the last hear to get Dustin to give up on his fairy tale crush.  
**_"_**

Zoey sighed excessively deeply.

This was indeed a surprise for me.

Of course I was not able to tell Dustin something "you are the one I have always been waiting for!". That would have been a rather stupid thing to do.

But he was totally likable, and more so every day.

So we decided to stay in touch until further notification …

Freddie would have rotted away at Monteriggione, but he was fionally received by the king of Miranda, and thence able to encounter once more his long lost and separated monozygotic twin brother Gabriel. But he was not willing to mocve right now to Miranda. He was, by the way, the elder twin, by five minutes, and thus would become the legal heir of the throne. But Freddie wanted to stay at Monteriggione, along with his new girlfriend, Samantha Puckett.

Prince Gabriel did not mind. He went travelling the world and the seven seas, along with his college girlfriend Melanie Puckett.

I am now the wife of Dustin Brooks, and I have been recently voted President Of The United States Of America, and I am about to sign the abolition of the submarines.

**_THE END_**

* * *

** 1**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iReunite With Missy!_  
**2**:  
cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iMight Switch Schools_!  
**3**:  
Josh's abilities as a sock knitter are outlined in _Drake & Josh_: _First Crush_.  
**4**:  
This inn is mentioned in _The iCarly Show_: _iWant To Stay With Spencer_.  
**5**:  
Cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Parker Nichols Inn_!  
**6**:  
The song here is based on third party owned _Last Farewell_ by Roger Whitaker.  
**7**:  
a guest character from _True Jackson VP_: _True Concert_.  
**8**:  
a guest character from from _The iCarly Show_: _iGo One Direction_.  
**9**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iGo To Japan_, which is here considered as a nightmare of Carly.  
**10**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iGood__-__Bye_!  
**11**:  
a guest character in _The iCarly Show_: _iPromise Not To Tell_.  
**12**:  
This is a spoof off thirds party owned _Assassin__'__s Creed_.  
**13**:  
Cf. _Drake & Josh_: _The Bet_!  
**14**:  
This channel is featured in _The iCarly Show_: _iTake On Dingo_.  
**15**:  
This alludes to the Sprouse twins, born in Arezzo.  
**16**:  
a guest character in _Zoey 101_: _Haunted House_.  
**17**:  
a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iTwins_.  
**18**:  
This identifies Samantha Puckett with **Trisha Kirby** from _Zoey 101_: _Bad Girl_.  
**19**:  
Cf. _Zoey 101_: _Backpack_!  
**20**:  
Cf. _Zoey 101_: _Jet__-__X_!  
**21**:  
Cf! _Zoey 101_: _Spring Fling_!

This identifies Drake Bell with Drake Parker.  
**22**:  
Cf. _Drake & Josh_: _The Guitar_!  
**23**:  
Cf. _Zoey 101_: _Paige At PCA_!  
**24**:  
This glue is featured in _Victorious_: _Tori The Zombie_.  
**25**:  
a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iHeart Arts_!  
**26**:  
The Dorfman family appears in _The iCarly Show_: _iFence_.  
**27**:  
mentioned in _Zoey 101_: _Zoey__'__s Ribs_.  
**28**:  
Father McCurdy is mentioned in _The iCarly Show_: _iWant A Record_.  
**29**:  
from _The iCarly Show_: _iReunite With Missy_.  
**30**:  
from _The iCarly Show_: _iMeet The First Lady_.  
**31**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iToe Fatcakes_!  
**32**:  
Ricky Flame is a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iCook_.  
**33**:  
a state featured in _Victorious_: _Locked Up_.  
**34**:  
This kindom is fictional, but its associated language is not, it is a little dialect of Portuguese or Spanish.

There is also a river with this name in Brazil.  
**35**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iLook Alike_ for an overprotective Spencer Shay!  
**36**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iWant To Stay With Spencer!_  
**37**:  
a cameo from _The iCarly Show_: _iGive Away A Car_  
**38**:  
This identifies Kelly Peckingpaw from _Bucket & Skinner__'__s Epic Adventures_ with the same actress's anonymous cameo in _The iCarly Show_: _iGot ALovesick Teacher_.  
**39**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iDo_!  
**40**:  
a cameo in _The iCarly Show_: _iFix A Pop Star_ et alibi  
**41**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iNevel_.  
**42**:  
a guest character in _The iCarly Show_: _iRue The Day_  
**43**:  
a cameo from _The iCarly Show_: _iWant More Viewers_  
**44**:  
Cf. _Zoey 101_: _Defending Dustin_!  
**45**:  
Cf. _Zoey 101_: _The Play_!  
**46**:  
Carmine is mentioned in _The iCarly Show_: _iLook Alike_ et alibi.  
**47**:  
Maggie is mentioned in _The iCarly Show_: _iSpy A Mean Teacher_ et alibi.  
**48**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iKiss_!  
**49**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iRock The Votes_!  
**50**:  
Cf. _Nickelodeon_'s upcoming show _Sam And Cat_!  
**51**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iParty With Victorious_!  
**52**:  
a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iDate A Bad Boy_  
**53**:  
a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iLike Jake_, identified with the same actor's recurring rôle as **James Garrett** in _Zoey 101_: Season 4, his cameo as **Dennifer** in _Zoey 101_: _Quarantine_, and several other anonymous cameos in other _Nickelodeon_ shows.  
**54**:  
a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iSaw Him First_, with a surname chosen from the same actor's star appearance in _Bigtime Rush_.  
**55**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_" _iStart A Fanwar_!  
**56**:  
a multiple cameo from _The iCarly Show_: _iGot Detention_ et alibi.  
**57**:  
a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iOpen A Restaurant_  
**58**:  
This refers to guest character **Prince Gabriel** from _True Jackson VP_: _True Royalty_.  
**59**:  
a cameo in _Zoey 101_: _Broadcast Views_, identified with **Doug Toader** from _The iCarly Show_: _iFence_  
**60**:  
a guest character in _Zoey 101_: _Defending Dustin_, identified with **Cleeshay** from _The iCarly Show_: _iFence_

There is no canonical reason for Zoey's hostility towards Daniel James.  
**61**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iFight Shelby Marx_!  
**62**:  
a guest character from _True Jackson VP_: _True Fear_  
**63**:  
Cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Peruvian Puff Pepper_!  
**64**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iSaved Your Life_!  
**65**:  
This identifies **David Alejandro Vega** from _Victorious_, **Mario** from _The iCarly Show_: _iPie_ and **André Chaumont** from _Zoey 101_: _Haunted House_.

The surname is borrowed from the same actor's rôle in some third party production.  
**66**:  
lyrics based on third party owned song _Occhi Di Firenze_  
**67**:  
This identifies Addie Singer from _Unfabulous_ with the same actress's cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Honor Council_.  
**68**:  
a guest in _Drake & Josh_: _Number One Fan_ with a surname borrowed from the same actress's part in third party owned _Camp Rock_

She is also identified with an unportyrayed Wendy mentioned in _Zoey 101_: _Lola Likes Chase_.  
**69**:  
These lyrics are based on third party owned song _Stop The Cavalry!_ by Jonah Lewie.  
**70**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iLost My Mind_!  
**71**:  
a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iSpeeddate_ with a surname borrowed from the same actress's rôle in _TeenNick_ owned _Giants_  
**72**:  
Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iCarly Saves TV_!  
**73**:  
Cf. _Zoey 101_: _Lola Likes Chase_!  
**74**:  
This is both Rebecca from _Zoey 101_: _Surprise_ et alibi and Trina Vega from _Victorious_, also the same actress's anonymous cameo in _The iCarly Show_: _iPsycho_ and the star rôle Tootie in _Fairly Odd Movie_. 


End file.
